A place for this imaginitive, ambitious, sensitive, strong college student to write about her adventures, trials, and successes.
- Name: SJ
- Location: United States
What can I say? I'm an eclectic mix, a proverbial 'mixed bag'. A lot of fun and A LOT of excitement.
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Today I'm Feeling:
My favorite ports:
Princess Girly Girl
Jessa's Vent Station
FINALLY!!! We actually got more than a dusting of snow- which of course cancelled classes. It was very exciting, except I didn't really do anything. In fact, other than the fact that I didn't have class there really wasn't anything good about today. William is pretty sick- he's had this lingering cold for a couple weeks now and now it's getting worse. I feel bad for him. Based on the fact that he is sick, we did absolutely nothing today. We burned some cds and laid in bed watching dumb mtv shows and Silence of the Lambs. I had never seen Silence of the Lambs before, but it wasn't anything to get giddy about. I suppose it was mildly suspenseful and Anthony Hopkins is great in it, but it wasn't nearly what most people make it out to be. So that is it, that is my day. And right now I'm at William's but he is playing San Andreas (which he has already beaten) and chatting with a friend of his... so I figured I could take the time to blog. I suppose there was work I could have gotten done today, but I decided I had to take advantage of the opportunity presented- which proved to be a bad idea. I would have been less bored had I chosen to do some homework. Ugh. I'm not going to feel guilty about it, though, because who would have figured a snow day would have been so uneventful? Guess it's back to the grind tomorrow. I could always hope for the incompetence of VDOT (Virginia Department of Transportation) to win me an extra snow day tomorrow, but I won't hold my breath. To top it all off, CSI: Miami isn't even new tonight. Bummer. What a crappy day- and it had so much potential, too. *shakes head and sighs*
1. Warm blankets
2. Mashed potatoes
3. Timberland boots
Sucked in by reality...
So tonight was fairly uneventful... I did thoroughly enjoy CSI, as always (have you ever noticed how hot Grissom is when he talks about bugs? Let's not even mention Greg!) I also watched Survivor Palau. I'm not exactly sure what prompted me to start watching this season. I had previously made a pact with myself to stop watching the stupid show, mostly for its lack of any originality(remember it's in like its 10th season now) and almost unmistakable "scripting". I mean really, does anyone believe that Jeff Probst pulls the votes out in such a suspenseful order every time by coincidence? And the casting! Omigod, could they be any MORE obvious that they are just filling certain roles? Roles that contain personalities that are BOUND to clash! There is always the gay guy, the ex-military old guy, the annoying/gullible old lady, a couple beautiful modelish looking guys and gals, a really bossy chick, a take charge, resourceful middle-aged man, the whiny lazy chick, etc. Not to mention the challenges are almost always the same, the locations are most usually resort islands (seriously, if they walked a few miles they could be enjoying margaritas and hot tubs). I've been saying since it first came out that it is a rubbish show. I have even condemned viewers of it and other ridiculous reality shows 'pathetic' and 'lame', or even 'those nosy neighbor-types just looking for some real controversy'. And yet here I am, sucked into it. People say it is innate in us to crave a view into others lives, but I do not think this is the reason for my interest. I have found that I am thoroughly enthralled with the new show LOST as well. Now before you go jumping to conclusions about LOST being a Survivor-like show, I have already taken into consideration a possible adventure/survival/gilligan's island-type fetish. I do not think this is a correct assumption, though I do not think it entirely wrong. Side note... I think personally that LOST is MORE realistic than Survivor, and that is not saying much. Anyways, I believe I have come to one good conclusion as to why I have been sucked in by the type of shows I would normally belittle. It's college. I look for anything to look forward to, to occupy my time, and to keep me from thinking about work. And what better to do that than a mindless, easily-to-follow plot, with characters living lives nothing like my own? There is nothing to remind me of my own life, therefore making it the perfect show for me. Plus, I enjoy a good laugh, and laughing at the stupidity of the characters is the only real enjoyment I get from Survivor. There isn't much good on television these days, and I believe Survivor is the scum of all the scum- save shows like Fear Factor and (sorry Mom) Nip Tuck and Desperate Housewives. But hey, I'm in college, mind-numbing activities are what get me through.
Or maybe I'm just trying to justify my new fascination with this utter crap...
2. cancelled class
3. mendelian genetics
I was visiting my best friend's blog tonight and she had a survey posted:
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain it.
7. Describe me in 1 word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
I can't resist a survey so I filled it out. Surveys are usually goofy little questionnaires that make you think about your favorite foods and songs, etc. Never did I think it would have an emotional impact on me. After not seeing my best friend in almost 4 years, these questions made me do a lot of reminiscing. It hit me out of nowhere. I REALLY REALLY MISS HER. Sure, I've had other friends come and go, but none that I have felt such a connection with. I can remember the fun times we had like they were yesterday. Amidst all this reminiscing I can't help wondering what it would have been like if we would have gone through high school together, maybe even opted to go to college together. How would things have been different with (we'll call her "Stan") Stan there? I get selfish sometimes and wish she could just come live with me and go to college with me. But then I realize that I just really want her to be happy. Although I would really like to have her be a more tangible part of my life I understand that it isn't possible and that I am very lucky to even maintain the type of bond that we still share. I read her online journal, she reads my blog, sometimes we catch each other on yahoo messenger and sometimes we just have to pick up the phone. I think it is so hard to pick up the phone and call because I know I'm not and can't be the part in her life right now that I want to be. She has new friends and a new life and so do I. But it is painful to think that I can't be there for the big things, or, more importantly, the little things. It also hurts to think that she can't be part of my new life. So many things are changing and exciting-we're adults- but I don't have her here to share it all with. Even though I have William, and we have our own bond, there is nothing like your best gal pal. I miss our girl time, cuz even though we always had our mature outlooks on things that allowed us to connect, it was those outrageous immature moments that truly made the friendship.
I have to admit there are times when I don't think of her. I don't send her birthday gifts or Christmas cards, I hardly ever call, I haven't visited. That is what is most painful of all, the moments that I don't think of her. Those times are the times that I realize just how far apart we are, and how much I wish it were not so. I want her here- I want to throw her surprise birthday parties, I want to stay up all night talking about anything and everything, I want to lift her spirits when she is having a bad day. Ever since she has gone away I have been searching for something, not quite sure what, but I have yet to find it. I found it tonight when I responded to her survey. I've been looking for her. I cried when I filled out that survey. You know how some people believe that everyone has a soul mate? Well, I think Stan is my soul friend. Our bond is one-of-a-kind. If what they say is true about 'soul mates' then this pair of 'soul friends' may be destined to find each other again. I can only hope that wherever my path leads, that it may eventually run right alongside hers.
1. a good cry
2. loofahs (especially jumbo pink ones)
Yawn, it's been a long day...
Alright, so this weekend was pretty cool. William and I set out to find Krispy Kreme on Saturday morning. Once there we proceeded to eat 3 doughnuts a piece! Ugh. Well they were yummy and not very filling! From there we headed to Virginia Center Commons where we ate more food- chinese food- extra yummy. Feeling the need to walk around a bit we stopped by some stores. I really wish I could just go buy a whole new wardrobe, I saw all kinds of pretty clothes. But instead, I bought William and I hoodies and he bought us matching t-shirts. Not too bad! Next it was off to see Hitch. Cute movie. Obviously not on the list for best screenplay or anything like that, but definitely what you might expect from a Will Smith romantic comedy: predictable plot, but lots of laughs. Have I mentioned that I'm a big fan of Kevin James? He's way cute! And he has a cute part in the movie. Anyways, moving on...
Today was gross. Well it started off gross. An 8 am class on a Monday morning never goes well for a college student I suppose. Couple that with the fact that I have two labs on Monday that keep me out straight from 8am-4pm and you have one grumpy freshman. Some things went well, though. I got my Bio test back... 95! yay! I also got a check for a nice amount of money which means I no longer have to pinch pennies quite so much. Another yay. I went to work out at the on-campus gym tonight only to get there and remember how I utterly despise crowded weight rooms. So I opted for a nice brisk walk around the campus to get my heart racing. Maybe I'll do some crunches tomorrow. I have, however, been eating better. I feel healthier already! Just in time for my monthly shedding of uterus lining. Do you think it will make a difference? I sure hope so. 19 more days til Spring Break!!! I gotta get crackin on my projects so that I don't have anything to do while I'm in Maine. Well, I'm gonna get in bed so I'm cheery for breakfast with my man in the morning. Night all!
1. Mom-made scarves!
2. Breaking a good sweat.
3. A good old-fashioned makeout session- one that brings back those giddy feelings of the first few kisses! *sigh*
I am adding a 4th one tonight: HAVING $$$$
The Package from Home
On Thursday my promised Valentine's package arrived. I have to say it feels really nice to get a package from home- possibly one of the best things to happen to you when you are far away from home. Here's a rundown of what my awesome family sent William and I:
Plastic wine glasses
T-shirts (a pretty red old navy red shirt for me and a patriots shirt for William)
Ping pong paddles (the ones here are really shabby)
And last but not least: A single serving coffee pot! (complete with cute little single serving pouches of coffee grounds)
Disclaimer: Mom, if I forgot something it is not because I don't appreciate it... I just woke up.
Anyways, the coffee pot- soooo cool! I've been complaining to my mom since I got back to campus that I haven't had a decent cup of coffee here. After spending a month in Maine drinking the best coffee ever, the crappy stuff here just won't cut it. Plus, it would mean leaving for class early to stop by the cafe. I've had coffee every morning since I got it. It's such a great gift. My family rocks!
Yesterday was Naked Saturday. I have to say it was very freeing. William says, hey when we get old we should join a nudist colony. I wouldn't go that far. But yesterday was pretty fun. At the end of the day though, I definitely was ready to put clothes back on. It's weird how much you rely on clothes. Well, time to eat some sausage biscuits!
River of vomit
Well, actually the title of this post refers to 2 separate unfortunate events of today, but I thought that titling it that way would create more suspense. Anyways, to recount todays two "ugh" factors...
I woke up this morning, not to my alarm (actually alarms plural, I set two because, well we all know things can happen, me more than most) but to the sound of vomit hitting the bathroom floor. What an unfortunate way to start the day. My roommate has since been puking her guts out all day. Have I ever mentioned that besides sharks and failing, vomitting is my worst fear? Billy swears I must be a freak, but every vomit experience I've ever had has been so unpleasant that whenever I feel the slightest inkling of nausea I pray God to strike me dead rather than live through the hurling. I'm not sure what everyone else's experiences have been, but I have always 1. cried 2. wanted mommy and 3. felt like dying, both during and after the vomitting process. If I were to vomit here, so many miles away from home... well, I'd have to insist that my mother fly down here to be by my side. I cannot do it without her, I know this. So if my roommate were to have a flu, virus, or any other kind of communicable sickness, disaster could ensue. I have tried to be out of the room as much as possible for fear of catching this pukiness. And to avoid seeing, hearing, knowing of the puking taking place. This morning I almost puked just knowing that she was puking. I studied for tomorrow's test in a variety of places (i'm sure that won't prove to have been a good study strategy) just to stay away. There is this foreboding stagnant-feeling air in my room. Maybe I'm just imagining it, but it makes me want to curl up and die just the same. I'm actually really hoping when she goes to Health and Wellness tomorrow that they tell her to go home. Then I can air out the room and live in peace knowing the vomitress is gone.
So, besides that, my day hasn't been all that bad, save the beginning. Not only was I made aware of my roommates stomach issues, but I also had to wade in a cold, muddy river at 8am. Bio lab took to the river to gather water samples. I ask you, why couldn't our Bio professor have driven out to the muddy river with a huge bucket and collected water for us? Must be because she really loves watching groggy college freshmen hike a half a mile to a grimy river to wade in it for a few water samples. The trek and the whole wading thing really seemed pointless when I had collected my samples in about 2 seconds and me and my 25 classmates headed back to campus after a 5 minute stay. Not to mention carrying the heavy wading boots back to campus. I was alright carrying them on the way there cuz I draped them over my arm, but on the way back they were wet so I had to carry them rather awkwardly. None of the guys even asked to help as they watched me struggling about 5 minutes into the walk back. It was one of the stupidest Monday mornings I've had in awhile.
1. I'm not vomitting... yet.
2. Cold pizza
3. PATRIOTS WIN AGAIN!!! yee-haw
Wow, I'm so ready to leave. Now that it's been determined that I AM returning to Maine and arrangements are starting to be made, I just wanna go- NOW! I know I'm especially not gonna want to return for 6 more weeks after Spring Break. I'm getting more and more annoyed with living on campus. I'm so anxious! I know things need time to work their way out and everything, but I'm just so ready to be done with it. I'm done with dhall food, campus confinement, sharing a room with someone I hardly know outside of school- it's all very annoying. But I have to stick it out and I will, probably more gracefully than I think. I'm one of those people that when I know there is a change taking place, it excites me, but I want it to happen immediately. It's the only thing I'm very impatient about these days.
Another thing that is very annoying about my life, and always has been is the expectation I've always had to live up to. Now, don't get me wrong, I think rather high expectations are not only good but highly beneficial- probably what I can credit most of my success to. However, I am really ready at this point to be a regular person. I don't want to be "honors" or "advanced" anymore. I don't mean that I want to slack off or stop trying. It's mainly the titles that do me in. If I am considered "honors" then there is something to reach for, to maintain. When there is a major goal at hand (academically speaking) I cannot resist pushing myself to the breaking point to achieve it. I normally get these titles because I like them. Even though I am denouncing them right now, it is mostly my own fault that I am labeled the way I am. I took honors courses in high school, I applied for the honors program at LU, and I applied for the citizen scholar scholarship. I like being associated with uniqueness, intelligence, leadership. I like to named as an elite member of a community. BUT, due to the stress I always put upon myself to maintain these titles (do or die type of stress), I have come to dislike them very much. I no longer want to HAVE to maintain a 3.5 GPA! Problem is, it is so ingrained in my head that I can't seem to push it aside. I tried to tell myself that now that I am leaving LU I do not have to worry this semester about 'not quite making it' with my GPA. Living in ARC, staying in the honors program, and keeping my big scholarship are no longer concerns for me. But I still stress about everything. It could also have something to do with people reinforcing my stress. Like when I went to talk to my advisor yesterday she told me that as long as I keep above a 3.4 GPA I should be fine to get into grad school. She made it sound so important. What? Oh God, here we go again. She was absolutely delighted with my 3.7 last semester. What the hell?! How can I become like the rest of the college students: carefree, happy, etc. At this point I HATE college. I don't want to do it because of the pressure of grad school, getting a good job, etc. But I NEED to apparently. Because I am intelligent and I have the capabilities to earn that high GPA I will be a disappointment if I don't. They'll blame it on something like 'getting too caught up in college life' or 'getting lazy'. Sometimes I do feel like I'm just being lazy, but did anyone ever think that maybe if an intelligent, capable person starts slipping in their academics it could just be they are overwhelmed by the expectations laid before them? I know that's what my problem is because I often think of homework in a positive light, a time I can have to myself, a time to demonstrate to myself my own capabilities, but these days I just dread the simplest tasks. Would it be so bad of me to get less than a 3.5 GPA? Does it HAVE to mean I'm either not smart enough or too lazy? Do I need to be a professional? If so, why? I'm really sick of it, I just want to be normal nowadays. No fancy titles, no expectations. Just normal. Ugh. I don't wanna read for adolescent development... and I'm not going to. There. I'm rebelling against the vicious system. I might get a B in that class if I don't read! Oh no! So fucking what! I'm just a person. In fact, I think I will only read for that classes that I absolutely HAVE to, like the ones that give reading quizzes and such. Just to rebel a little more. I'll experiment and see if this small act of relieving stress will cause my grades to go down. And if anyone objects... well, don't tell me, cuz then I will doubt myself and go back to stressing myself out about it and then, well you get the picture. So hush! Let me try it.
1. NOT having the flu
2. My birthday is in a month and 23 days
3. Grilled cheese