Grey Haven

Seasons may change...

2005-08-29T14:08:00.000-04:00

Classes loom ahead. The weather is teasing with its hint of chill in the morning and evening air. Friends are packed and gone. Wal-mart is bursting with notebooks, pencils, folders, backpacks and lunchboxes, not to mention Halloween decorations. Plans are secured for the end-of-summer cookout. Footballers everywhere are training fiercely for the start of season. State, county and city fairs are making their way into towns everywhere. There's no looking back, fall is on our doorstep.

My fall is shaping up to this:
~I have officially worn a sweatshirt a couple of times (strictly morning or night, still 70s-80s during the day)
~Labor Day plans at *his* parents'
~School shopping is done, including books
~My first class is next Wednesday
~No plans as of yet for Halloween, I think maybe I'm getting too old for it anyways
~Patriots take the field for the first time in regular season next Thursday (9/8) against the Raiders
~Plans are in the works for a trip to the Fryeburg Fair the beginning of October

I have to say I am quite excited about most of the above. I am looking forward to this season of change!

3BT
1. fall clothes
2. working and getting paid
3. new experiences

"don't it always seem to go...

2005-08-22T20:47:00.000-04:00

...that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." Okay, so I've dealt with this feeling many times in my life. In fact, so many times that I think I should be an old pro at avoiding it, but NOOOO. College. First semester freshman year so far away from home just about killed me. All my in-state friends could head home for any weekend they chose, have their parents meet them for a birthday dinner, or go see their hometown football game. I was most usually stuck on campus for the weekend, had my birthday dinner in the back of my boyfriend's pick up truck (it was romantic, though), and never got to see my brother in his freshman year of marching band. My roommate and I were about as different as night and day. Sleeping patterns, social behaviors, circle of friends, homework habits- all completely opposite. Let's just say we spent as much time away from each other as we could. So, naturally, I chose the easy way out and spent my time with my boyfriend and his friends. I think I could have been really great friends with all but like 5 of the girls on my hall had I been roommates with them. I had amazing suite mates, even. But because I didn't want to be around my roommate and was many time forced from my room by her very conservative sleep patterns, I didn't bond with the others on the hall. By the time I was ready to branch out there was an already close-knit group of people that, though they were all awesome and very friendly, I just couldn't break into. Especially with my boyfriend living in the dorm way across campus. He couldn't come spend time in my room late at night like I could his so I befriended his friends and missed out on befriending my own. I know it sounds dumb, but I really do blame my crappy first year on-campus living experience on not getting assigned with a compatible roommate. Anyways, now, with everyone slowly starting to arrive back on campus, putting their away messages up with thing like "glad to be back at LU", I find myself wishing for another try at life there. As much as I know, even with a great roommate I am probably better off closer to home, I do miss it. I miss the people and the campus and the tiny hick town. It was a really great experience and I just wish I could do it over again, see if it would be different. But, alas! The grass is always greener. I am very happy to be back here with my family. I'll be attending my bro's marching band camp cookout this Friday, I'll soon be enjoying Maine's lovely fall weather and breathtaking scenery, and commuting to school where I know everyday I'll be coming home to people I love and a comfortable home. This IS where I belong, but I can't stop thinking about what it would be like to be back at ARC. Chances are I'd be miserable. One thing I have learned, no more rash decisions to go making drastic changes in my life based on fleeting feelings, because last year, when I was at LU, all I could think about was what I was missing here. You know what you green grass, you, no more fooling me, I've got you figured out.

3BT:
1. knowing there is a sweatshirt day in the near future, yay for fall!
2. having a job... with my mom
3. looking forward to school (don't worry, i'm not sick, guarantee my feelings will change after attending my first class)

By the beard of Zeus...

2005-08-14T22:44:00.000-04:00

I had such a great time last week! Camping, shopping, laughing, eating, bowling, watching movies, talking... it was the best time! But it was not the things we did, the movies we watched, the food we ate, or the jokes we told that made it that way. How do I know? Because even the times we said nothing, did nothing, watched nothing, ate nothing, I was still having an amazing time. You see, the week was not set aside for sight seeing or entertaining ourselves. It was for enjoying the time together, for remembering old times and forming new memories, for catching up and realizing that nothing has really changed, at least not between the two of us. It was also a time for comiserating, swapping advice, and mostly just for loving one another. Yes, this sounds mushy, and maybe you, reader, may even be getting the wrong idea. I am not talking about a boyfriend, no, I am talking about my best friend. I have found there to be no replacement for a best friend. You have one and only one true best friend in life. My boyfriend put it this way after meeting Stan,"No wonder you don't make many new friends, none could possibly live up to her." Now, granted I have made plenty of friends in my travels, some better than others, but I have been rather reluctant to spend the sort of time and effort needed to become more than just 'occasional' friends. Oh, you don't know what an occasional friend is? Well it is the friend that you don't really call much, only spend time with sporadically and infrequently, and only feel 50% comfortable with. Since Stan, I have made nothing but occasional friends. I don't know if I am just afraid, but I like to believe that it is because that spot in my life is filled. Stan and I use to spend as much time together as our parents and school would allow. Now I have seen her only twice in the last 6 years. But it has been proven that we can pick up right where we left off. It's not awkward like it is with occasional friends that you haven't seen in a couple months. Years and miles leave no scars on this friendship. It is truly the best thing, knowing that out there, only a phone call or plane ride away I have someone who always understands, who will always laugh with me and cry with me, who will sit in silence not feeling awkward but thinking about how nice it is to have me as a friend. Miles shmiles... someday I know we will live right down the street from each other swapping advice, laughs, and occasionally maybe even clothes. :) It's destiny. May the force be with us.

Stan, I do hope to see you again soon. But beware if you come up here, bring all your prized possesions because I just might not let you leave. ;)

3BT
1. Stan
2. Stan
3. Stan

...And a life it is...

2005-07-16T12:08:00.000-04:00

Remember my last post (well, if you don't you can just scroll down and look at it)? Well, I think I have done a pretty decent job of making it happen. Complete with a new hair-do, pretty nails and tanning appointments, I now have things to happily fill my summer time with. Yay! I've gone out to movies with friends, out on dates with my boy, sat around a few campfires and gone out to eat with family. It's been very fun! Uh oh, is that what I think it is? Cue the News Center Special Report music
****We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this breaking news****
I have just received Book 6, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!!!! Came to my doorstep at 12:15- just now! Thank God for pre-ordering! Anyways, I suppose I will give you the other good news I have to share before I get settled into reading (even though I'd rather start now).

This is particularly good news though, so I am happy to take the time to tell you. I'm going on vacation. To Missouri. I'm going camping with my bestest friend who I haven't seen in like 4 years. I CANNOT wait. OMG, it is going to be the best time ever. I think instead of driving we're going to take the bus. We will be driving the 24 hour drive there. Which will prove to be the most interesting part of the trip. So I will be gone August 5-10 enjoying myself and catching up with my favorite person! It's going to be a blast.

3BT
1. planning a vacation
2. talking to a good friend
3. getting a new book

I need a life... that includes a new job

2005-06-20T20:08:00.000-04:00

I don't want to write. I feel the NEED to update, but I really don't want to. Nothing interesting goes on and if it does I'm too busy to write about it and after a few weeks have gone by I can never recall it while sitting in front of the computer screen (or under it in the case of my laptop). So anyways, I'm working at this temp job selling cellular product, fielding customer complaints, taking bill payments and pretty much trying to fix anything that might go wrong with phones, billing, and overall service. There is a lot to what I do, or should do, stuff that even if I was with the company for years I may never know how to do. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate not knowing how to do things? Its so hard to learn too- with all my 'experienced' co-workers being almost always too busy to train me so that if I have a question or don't know how to do something I either have to interrupt them and their customer or stand there looking like an idiot waiting for them to be done. It's soooo frustrating. And stressful. People are very touchy about their cellular service. Anyways, there's way too much for me to mess up, way too much I still don't know (after a whole month), too many nights working later than I am scheduled, way too many unhappy customers... yeah, you get the picture. I hate my job. I think I'm going to give my 2 weeks notice tomorrow. Especially since I really don't have any sort of a life right now. I really appreciate the money, but I gotta do more than work, eat, sleep. I'm too young to spend my summer just working- I gotta get out and have some funky times. Okay so you as my witness I'm starting right now making sure I have a fun time this summer. So if you notice me slipping into a routine, yell at me! See now I've dragged you into this. No, no, I won't let you wash your hands of this, you're gonna help me out. Thanks in advance! :)

3BT
1. chicken patties
2. daddy
3. making plans to get out of the house

Ketchup

2005-06-08T22:30:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not referring to the tomato-ey dipping sauce, but rather just trying to be 'cute'. So here's the deal, I'm going to catch you up on whats going on...
1. I'm living in a super duper apartment with my mom and my boyfriend (complete with a new comfy queen sized bed)
2. I am currently working through a temp agency at Unicel (wireless service provider). I switch between the Kennebunk and Saco locations as my manager sees fit. I am starting to feel comfortable there, even though there is a lot to learn and so I happily accepted the offer from the manager to be hired on by Unicel. On days like today and yesterday I am reminded of how nice it is to be sitting at a desk in an airconditioned office rather than other less desirable jobs I COULD be doing. Sometimes the closing process in the evening takes a little longer so my 9-6 shift can easily become a 9-6, 630 or even 7 shift. This has caused a few problems with the boyfriend and I, especially since he doesn't have a job as of yet and has been home by himself for a couple of weeks. Its probably like those that you used to stay home from school, you think, wow its nice not to have to be in school, but then you realize no one else is home to hang out with so it just becomes horribly lonely and boring. I'm sure once he gets a job everything will be great.

3. I am in the process of transferring to USM and I should be registering for my new classes very soon. Cross your fingers. Things don't seem to be going smoothly as of yet.

Well I am tired and I have to get up early so its off to bed... sorry it has taken so long to get going on this again... I just never seem to have the time. This is a start though!

3BT
1. a big comfy bed to share with the one you love
2. a steady paycheck
3. finding you can do something, even when at first it seems overwhelming

Here I Go Again...

2005-05-05T18:25:00.000-04:00

Yup, I'm on the move once again. This is the second time in my life that I have moved back to Maine from Virginia. The second time doesn't make it any easier. Sure I'm happy to be going back to my family and taking a lot of stress away by commuting to school and saving myself A LOT of cash. I'm also happy to be living in an apartment with people I love. This year I will get to see my brother in the marching band and go to his concerts, I can be there to talk to him about his 'girl problems'. I'll be able to have a more stable job since I will have easy access to my car (and if you're wondering about this, you should just see how far my car was parked away from campus- might as well have left it in Maine). I will get to see my family whenever I need/want to. It will be beautiful. But with all the wonderful things I am looking forward to I am also dreading leaving FarmVegas. Longwood is such a great place. It is comfortable and inviting. My super cool suitemates, my roommate (for as much as we didn't really become best friends or anything, she was always good company and we never had any problems), all of the honors kids (nicest, coolest people EVER), the friends I met through Billy (God love 'the boys'- Dan and Josh, the two awesomest theatre majors ever). Then there were the super professors I had. Dr. Buchert and Dr. Laws kicked some serious psych butt! And Dr. Salyer, or should I say Greg, wow! There are no facts and history is only a matter of opinion. Also, thanks to Greg I am in love with Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. I had such a blast and at the same time learned more than in all my other classes combined. All in all there are some of the greatest people on earth here. Not to mention all the luxuries of college that I'm going to miss like walking only a few steps and having food already cooked and ready to eat- a pretty good variety, too. Then there's having the library right across from my residence hall, being able to go next door or down the hall to hang out, none of this making plans stuff, its all spontaneity here, baby. What a great experience. I can't believe its over already. It is so bittersweet. I've learned a lot and I've grown, but I'm still the same person and I'm about to close another short chapter and begin a new one and I believe I really am ready. Time to say 'goodbye', I will never forget the great times, but it is time to go make some new memories. I'm ready, here I go...

3BT
1. being only 2 days away from seeing my family
2. having one more day here that I can cherish
3. knowing that I'm gonna be alright

Final what?

2005-05-03T08:41:00.000-04:00

In a few minutes I will be heading off to my 2nd exam of the week, Adolescent Development. This could be perhaps one of the most dreaded finals I am taking. 10 essay questions in an hour and a half makes me wanna jump off a cliff, especially at 9am. I don't feel confident at all about the subject matter, mainly because we have not talked about it for 2 weeks while we were doing presentations. I mean there is a level of bullshit that can be said about adolescent dating, love, and sexuality, but I am afraid not 10 essays worth. I had my psych research methods exam yesterday that seemed to go quite well. I don't have ANY exams tomorrow, but I desperately need to work on my take home final that is due Thursday. Thursday is Sociology exam, then Friday is Bio and then I am done. Thank God! I'm beginning to get really sick of being at school. Time to have my very own space again. It will be really nice to only be living with 2 other people. Well, I gotta get going, so I'm out for now. I know this was neither inspiring nor entertaining, but hey, give me a break its finals week.

3BT
1. Having most of my stuff packed
2. Having no more classes
3. Getting a care package just in time for exams

'Secrets don't make friends"... but some secrets don't need friends

2005-04-28T23:58:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had a secret? A secret that even some of the closest people to you don't know about? I'm not talking anything dangerous or horribly deep and dark, but important just the same. It's not that you think the people close to you won't like/accept/support/etc. you if you tell them, its more that you enjoy having this one thing to yourself; to be completely yours for as long as you wish. Well I had a dream about my secret today while I was napping. I don't really think of 'my secret' often so it was really strange for it to turn up in my dream and be so damn detailed. I have to say it is on my mind now. There is one other person who knows of 'my secret', but not because I told him/her, but because he/she was there when the secret was 'formed'. It isn't any of the usual culprits: mom, boyfriend, best friend, etc. It is just someone who I know probably enjoys 'the secret' as much as I do. It may seem childish to like having ' my secret', but I don't care. This is something that makes me smile and when I think about it can lead to interesting and deep thoughts about who I am that I otherwise would not contemplate. No matter what you may think about having a secret, I am going to tell you that secrets are just as versatile as people are. Some secrets are better to be told, others better kept under wraps, and others give you the freedom of knowing you have something that you and only you can take pleasure in as you see fit. Some secrets will hold you back, but others will set you free.

3BT
1. Tomorrow (well today, in 2 minutes) is the last day of classes of my freshman year of college.
2. Personalized shirts- mine says Hermione, but I won't explain why, I'll just leave you to guess..
3. A CSI episode revealing the dangerous jobs us psychology majors could one day find ourselves in. eek! maybe thats not so 'beautiful' but knowing all the lingo made me feel smart :D

"...just watchin the tide roll away..."

2005-04-21T23:09:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe not the tide, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing something equally as unproductive. It's more like staring at the computer screen, but I like to romanticize things. Besides, I wish I was watching the tide rolling in and out. Ahhh, the ocean is calling to me... Here's what I want to do right now- I wanna take my towel and lay on the beach (naked would be ideal, but I am not that comfortable- so we'll say in my bikini) close my eyes and just listen to the ocean. It's no wonder they make those 'soothing sounds of the ocean' tapes to listen to. I mean have you ever just gone to the beach to listen to the ocean? Of course you know what the waves crashing onto shore sound like, but do you listen for the birds in the distance? And when you hear the waves, do you think about the depths of the ocean? Do you get lost in thoughts of what lies beneath the foamy surface? And when you go home after a day by the sea, does the smell of salt in your hair take you back to that moment? Is the memory so vivid that you could swear you were back there? When you put your toes in the sand, do you feel the sand? Every grain sliding against the sole of your foot? If you answered no to any of these questions, I suggest a trip to the beach ASAP. You cannot live without feeling the ocean. It's so pure and untouched by man. There are no cities beneath the waters, no paved highways, no fortune 5oo companies, no war... Now I know I am starting to sound like a hippy or an activist of some sort, but by no means am I a 'tree hugger' or a fan of John Kerry (not a fan of Bush either, so calm down). I am not talking politics here, I'm not talking conservation, preservation, environmentalist fodder. I am talking about spending some quality time with the edge of the continent. The ocean will teach you some things if you hang around for a little bit. It will make you feel small and humble. It will make you feel grateful. It will make you feel simpler than you have ever felt. It is like a really good full body massage... for free! It will erase all of your worries and make you think deeper more meaningful thoughts. It is a perfect thing, the mighty ocean. I have not even begun to explain to you what the ocean feels like. It is something that must be witnessed. Oh, to be there now...

3BT
1. thoughts of the ocean
2. a really good stretch
3. chocolate when you really need it

blahdy blah blah

2005-04-20T00:22:00.000-04:00

We have an apartment! YAY! I am sooooo excited. Well I am too tired to write anything worth reading so I will be back when I have the inspiration/motivation. Thanks for stopping by though.

3BT
1. meeting cool people through facebook
2. getting a little bit of a tan
3. procrastinating... just because

Spring? Weekend

2005-04-16T21:46:00.000-04:00

Well you see, this weekend is what we call here at LU SPRING WEEKEND. This means lots of live music, a fair-type thing with booths run by the various organizations, a couple of fun events/contests (such as oozeball= a muddy version of volleyball, and the chili cookoff), and of course lots of 'after' parties thrown by fraternities or anyone with access to a good amount of alcohol. Of course I don't really count the parties as part of this weekend's festivities because coincidentally, parties just happen to be part of every weekend here. People do tend to get drunk a little earlier on weekends such as these, and often feel ambitious enough to conceal their alcoholic concoctions in soda bottles and take them into public. Note to self: when trying to hide the fact that you have an illegal beverage posing as regular old soda pop, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT put rum and coke in a mountain dew bottle (granted you may be drunk already, but come on, how drunk is too drunk to realize that mountain dew is green and rum and coke is not). So anyways, besides it being just another excuse for us college students to party, I suppose it is a good way to get out and enjoy spring weather and socialize. However, I do not feel that after experiencing several days of 70 degree weather and one or two 80 degree days, that is fair to label today a spring day. Granted it wasn't freezing, but mildly chilly. But really, if I wanted my spring day to be chilly I wouldn't be here. Oh no, Maine does chilly way better than Virginia ever thought of doing. Guess what Virginia is good at? Throwing you a weather curve ball just when you least expect/want it. Today was a good day, but I know that with a tank top and shorts it would have been much better. So after making the Honors Program booth into a 'fortune telling' booth, we rotated between the outdoor festivities and indoor facilities to warm up.

Bad news. Mom was unable to get Tim McGraw tickets this morning meaning she will now have to look for a new way to gain my eternal love. Good luck, Mom- hint: you may want to peruse the list in my last entry ;)

Well anyways, my hands and feet are still quite chilly and I feel the need to warm them up so I am going to leave you with the 3BT for today:
1. EVERCLEAR - free on campus concert that brought back some good memories
"I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yes I will"

2. Lays kettle cooked potato chips- I don't know why, but I am obsessed with their crunchy goodness
3. Having multiple wubies to curl up under on chilly days. If you don't know what a wubie is... a. you are deprived, b. you were not loved as a child, and c. well, I guess you will have to ask and I will tell you because you cannot go through life without at least one wubie.

Gummi Bears and Metal

2005-04-13T15:29:00.000-04:00

I'm eating refrigerated gummi bears, listening to Metallica's Whiskey in the Jar (super duper song) and I am bored. I should be reading something really boring for my western civ class, but as usual I am using my blog to procrastinate. I tell myself you haven't posted in a while, you really should. And in this way I can justify my procrastination. I rock. Have you ever noticed that Brach's gummi bears have pads on their feet? A small detail, but still I was quite surprised to notice this. Every other feature is very simplified and basic, but these super yummy bears have pads on their feet! Its just crazy if you think about it. I don't think I every really thought the yellow ones were very good, but I am realizing that they are in fact quite delicious. Sometimes boredom can be good because it forces you to notice things you otherwise would not. I am not a fan of boredom in general- just simply 'looking on the bright side' so to speak. You know what else I am currently appreciating? The fact that I have SO MUCH Metallica on my computer that when I put it on shuffle almost every other song is Metallica. This is quite the amazing feat considering I have 621 songs in my media player library. I watched their documentary Some Kind of Monster the other night... it really made me want to see them in concert. So if you ever were in need of convincing me to love you forever, tickets to a Metallica concert would be sure to seal the deal. Example of how this works: Mom is taking me to a Tim McGraw concert in September, and so I will continue to acknowledge that she is the best mom in the world and therefore love her forever. See how this works? Other concerts that may apply: Kenny Chesney, Greenday, Matchbox Twenty (yes, I have seen them once, but...), Dave Matthews Band, Guster (I'd like to see them again, too), Rob Zombie (this could include, but is not limited to Ozzfest), Garth Brooks, Ludacris, and Linkin Park. Okay, thats about it, but there are obviously other things you could do to gain my affection, but since I am a big fan of creativity I will not go on to spoil all the fun. Awww... my gummi bears are gone. Hey! Remember that show? Gummi Bears... 'bouncing here and there and everywhere..." Oh yeah, that was a good show. What happened to all of the good cartoons anyways? Where's Tailspin and Rescue Rangers? Oh yeah and Darkwing Duck ("I am the terror that flaps in the Night")? Disney had some good shows like Adventures in Wonderland (loved that show!) So Weird, etc. Now it has gotten ridiculous... not a fan.

Well I'm sure you are looking for an update so here are the highlights:
Went to Busch Gardens on Sunday- crazy fun!
This weekend is Spring Weekend which means crazy festival type thingy on campus.
Classes are going well- no more tests til finals and the projects are slowing down.
23 days left til I'm home!
Generally things are good!

Here are some wise words from my friend Dave Matthews:

"Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
We'll make the best of what's around"

Well that is it for today, I guess I should try to read so that I am free for my 2 big TV nights of the week:
Wednesday
8pm- Lost (ABC)
10pm- CSI: New York (CBS)
Thursday
8pm- Survivor: Palau (CBS)
9pm- CSI (Vegas, this is the original and by far the best!) (CBS) Grissom AND Greg are hotties! And if you are of the male persuasion I have heard that, despite her plainness, Sara Sidle is quite the cutie and I personally think Catherine is pretty hot. Just more incentive to watch the best show on Earth. :)

So if you have nothing to do, you should consider tuning in because these shows rock my socks! Well, except Survivor, I got sucked into that one, not my fault- I wouldn't recommend it (see previous post Sucked in by reality).

3BT:
1. The tiny pads on gummi bear feet
2. Mixin it up between Guster and Metallica
3. Comfy days where you scrub it in jeans and a sweatshirt

2005-04-01T01:17:00.000-05:00

Well it seems that my bed and I have become increasingly unfamiliar with each other in last week. It is going on to 1:30 am and I am not even thinking about bed really. Not that I am not tired, but I have had a tough time getting to sleep lately so I figure if I wait until I get really tired I won't have to toss and turn first. The reason I probably can't get to sleep is the caffeine. Since I have been at school I have started to drink more soda. First of all its just plain more readily available and often times cheaper than water (go figure). So anyways, when I first started noticing myself drinking more soda I decided it would be in my best interest to try and switch to diet soda in order to cut down on the sugar, thus hopefully preventing the freshman 15. Well back then I was only drinking a relatively medium sized glass of soda at lunch and dinner. Switching to diet was a bad idea. I thought that I had decided never to drink diet soda unless absolutely necessary, but here I am enjoying the damn stuff! Yeah, it happened. You know, its like switching to skim milk, you start off in the beginning not really liking it but before long you like it better than whole milk. So yes, I have now become a diet soda addict (mostly diet pepsi and diet dr. pepper). I guess since it is diet I feel like I can drink it as much as I want. Today I drank 48 ounces in total. This is getting a little out of hand? Someone please tell me something bad about diet soda so that I won't drink so much! Tell me that its eating away my insides... anything! I'm becoming a caffeine addict. Perhaps its time to switch to diet caffeine free. Well anyways here I am, suffering from my caffeine addiction.

The last couple of days have been pretty uneventful. I mean, its hard to top a porn party, but come on! Bio class was kinda neat for once. We talked about Ligers and Tigons which are hybrids produced from lions breeding with tigers. They are neat, but they are also kind of sad. It is unfortunate that they are sterile and were produced for nothing but curiosity really. I also decided in class that I want a blue-footed booby for a pet because it does a really cool mating dance and it is really cute. You can see a picture of it doing its dance here.

Oh! I am very excited... Tomorrow night is Girl's Night Out for the ladies of ARC. We are dressing up in our semi formal wear, having mocktails in the lounge, then heading to a local restaraunt for some dessert and girl time. Sounds like a good time to me!

Well, I really should get to bed... I have a test tomorrow at 10 and I haven't really caught up from Monday night.

3BT
1. Ligers and Tigons and Blue footed boobies... Oh My!
2. CSI NY, CSI Vegas, and Lost all had new episodes this week
3. open windows

Summary

2005-03-29T20:56:00.000-05:00

Okay, so yet again I have failed miserably at keeping y'all updated, but in my defense I had a busy week last week. I had 2 papers to write, massive amounts of reading, and a presentation to get in order. Monday was the big day. I turned both of my papers in and did my presentation. I always feel good about doing presentations cuz (not to brag) but they are usually better than most of my peers'. I had fun anyways, even though I was a little nervous before I got up there. I did get embarassed cuz I couldn't get the little dial on the clicker thing to work out so I kept skipping by all my slides. It was a really dumb contraption... it should have been made so that one could simply push a button to get to the next slide, not turn a complicated dial very gently. Anyways, apparently it was just me cuz none of my classmates had any problems with it. Well now that thats over, I have two weeks of tests coming up. This week it's Sociology and Psych Research methods- shouldn't be too hard.

I stayed up til 3am last night. I don't ever do that. 130- 2 I might do occasionally, but 3am on a weeknight is something only Billy does. I'm sure I could get used to staying up that late if I did it as much as him, but God, I feel like a zombie without a good amount of sleep. So anyways, it was our friend Josh's birthday, so he decided that a good party would be to rent some porn and watch it with his friends. I can't say I was a really big fan of this. First of all he was turning 19- not 18 so I would expect for the novelty to have worn off by now. Second of all, sitting in a room with 2 couples (me and Billy, Dan and Allison) doesn't seem to be the normal way to watch porn. Josh IS sex deprived right now, but I would think that he would prefer to watch the porn alone so that he might have some quality time to *ahem* himself *ahem*. But I guess to guys, there is nothing more entertaining than sitting in a room with other guys watching unrealistic and often boring sex. I can't believe he couldn't think of anything better to do. I didn't really want to stay and watch it, but I figured if Billy was gonna watch it, my best bet was to be there. I wasn't impressed. To top it all off, it was bad porn. A crappy 80's Jenna Jameson flick (not her best) and 'Sorority Sluts'. It was really boring. I didn't think sex could be THAT boring. Have I mentioned I'm not a big fan of porn? See, I would much prefer to see the scenes that you don't see in the sexy movies, you know with good acting and sexy actors and actresses? Come on, you know you always wanted to see a little more of that hot scene with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman... or what happens after Baby's shirt comes off in Dirty Dancing. That's what porn should be. Elaboration of the hot 'sex' scenes from movies. Not this rubbish where the girls are moaning and screaming every second (so obviously fake) with little or no plot and absolutely ugly stars (except for a select few of course, none of them male- the guys in last nights flick all looked like Fabio- ick!). I won't lie that I've seen things that turn me on a little but its never been a porn. Sometimes its even the scenes you don't see that really get ya going- know what I mean? So anyways, I stayed up super late just to see Jenna Jameson fake her orgasms. Good thing I like Josh.

Today was VERY good. I don't know if I've ever mentioned that my mood often fluctuates with the weather... Anyways, today was sunny and 75. I'd call that PERFECT! Especially compared to 52 degrees in good ole Maine. My afternoon class got cancelled so I got to get out and enjoy the nice weather. I ate dinner outside and I also went to the bookstore. I bought a Longwood University Nalgene bottle, a pair of comfy gray longwood shorts, and some Burt's Bees lip gloss- raspberry flavored. I took a little nap with Billy because of last night's late adventures and now I am back here, trying to get some work done. You can see how well it is going. Anything to procrastinate on my homework.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot... my birthday...
I had a really great birthday! All of my friends messaged me to wish me a good day and it really made me smile. My suitemates decorated the bathroom for me- Brittany and Maryanna rock! Then Billy took me out to get some fried chicken, which we sat and ate in the bed of his truck in a field and watched the sun go down. He bought me a cool shower head for the apartment (that my mom is currently hunting down) it's one of the ones that has a cord and you can take it down and use it. I really liked the one he had at his house so he got me one. He also bought bubble bath (I think he is hoping that we have a tub at the apartment, hehe, he's sneaky) and a memory book starter kit in Longwood colors that we can make about our year here. We came back to my place and watched Finding Neverland- I loved it! I thought it was a very awesome night. Easter was also fun. Billy and I exchanged easter baskets! I got a frame (for a cute pic of us that we are gonna take here to remind us of Longwood) a Robots coloring book, and a bunch of peeps and chocolate candy. We had McDonald's for Easter dinner. I didn't mind cuz I felt like splurging since Monday was the start of my 'bikini diet'. This is the diet where I try to look in top shape for bikini season. So anyways, things are going well... only 38 days left at Longwood. I'm hoping to make the best of them.

3BT
1. birds chirping
2. diet pepsi (i'm addicted)
3. shorts

I'm bad at this...

2005-03-23T19:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I realize that I am just really bad at keeping a journal-type-thingie. I get distracted easily. But anyways, I had a very good spring break. I got to spend some time with a few good friends and go out to dinner with my family. I had more delays and spent way too much time in Newark airport once again on my way back, not fun. That place is cursed. Now I'm back at school and the sh*t is hitting the fan. I have a crapload of work to get done. Paper here, project there, its so overwhelming! I know it will be fine, though. I made it through last semester and I can do it again. The most exciting thing is that when this semester is over I will be going home- and STAYING home! Minus moving into a comfy apartment with mom! It's so exciting! I don't really have much more to say right now, I'm just so busy. Check in next week, perhaps things will be dying down.

3BT
1. easter baskets
2. birthdays
3. cool green optical computer mouses! say goodbye to the annoying touch pad!

The Great Airport Adventure

2005-03-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

I have been waiting rather impatiently for this weekend back home in Maine. I miss my family and I desperately need a break from school. Everything was all set. William and I were heading out Friday night, staying in a hotel in Richmond to get up early the next morning to fly out. At 6:35 AM on Saturday we boarded the plane to Newark, New Jersey. We knew they were calling for snow in Maine, but so far everything looked clear. After a quick layover we were boarding the plane for Portland which was on time. Mom said there was a little snow, but nothing horrible. 35 minutes into our short 50 minute flight the pilot warned us that we were beginning our initial descent into Portland. About 15 minutes later the pilot came back on the intercom and had some disheartening news. We were circling the Portland airport, but things were looking bleak. Visibility was low. With the 3rd announcement, my much anticipated trip home turned into hell. "Conditions have worsened in Portland and the crew does not want to get stuck in Portland should we land. We are heading back to Newark." My immediate reaction was devastated. An already short visit to my home was being cut short. Arriving in Newark only brought about more trouble. We stood at the service desk for a half hour while the woman serving us just stared confused at the computer screen. After a long silence broken only occasionly by the fierce tapping of keys, she handed us a boarding pass envelope and mumbled something about a flight leaving in 10 minutes and a possible weight restriction. We checked the gate number and proceeded toward what seemed like another certain disappointment. How could a plane land an hour after we had just been turned away? As we sat waiting to board we noticed that she had only given us only one boarding pass; it had my name on it. One look at the line at the service desk told us we would be destined to miss the flight if we stood in line. William told me to go ahead, he would catch the next flight he could. I didn't like this idea, but I couldn't argue with him. It was either go on the plane or miss it and have to pay for a new ticket. William decided it would be good to go check on our luggage and headed off. The minute he was out of sight I knew I couldn't take the flight. What if the plane got diverted again? I would be stuck in Newark all by myself. William doesn't have a cell phone so I would worry sick about him, not knowing how or where he was. Not to mention it was crazy to even be sending another flight to Portland in the current weather conditions. I called Mom and she reassured me that it would NOT be a good idea to get on the plane. The line was still long at the service desk and I knew I couldn't wait. I then moved to the desk at the gate. I explained my situation. She told me if I didn't get on the flight it would just automatically cancel. Sounded decent enough, but most likely meant I would need to pay for a new ticket. Wait, she says, I don't see any add-ons anyways so I don't think you can get on. Alright, time to get back in line and try to get new tickets. But where is William? I decided to have him paged. After waiting for 20 minutes, I figured he wasn't coming. If he went to baggage he probably coulndn't get back through security. Well, since I was right there I might was well get my ticket situation figured out. The lady looked at me funny when I said I couldn't go on the flight. Where is the young man? she asked. He was supposed to get on the plane. What? I know she only gave me one boarding pass. She had also already booked us for tomorrow's flight in case the plane got diverted again. But she hadn't told us any of this when we were at the desk before. Again she only gave me one boarding pass and told me it would work for both of us. Which I highly doubted would slide with security. My newest fear was finding William. I had NO idea where he could be. He obviously wasn't hearing me page over the airport intercom. After a call to his mom I figured out where he must be. I finally found him sitting with his head phones on playing on his laptop! What a sigh of relief. Just a few minutes before while I was searching frantically for him, I had practically had a breakdown. I was in tears, lost in the HUGE Newark airport. Don't be mislead- I have compacted this story for more interesting reading, but the whole ordeal took over 2 hours to figure out. We ended up getting flights for the next morning. We spent a good amount on a hotel room for the night. At least we got some good sleep and a chance to relax. But wow! I am still close to never wanting to fly again. That was a nightmare. To top it all off, I arrived in Maine to be greeted by a couple feet of snow on the ground. Makes a girl question moving back to such a place. Anyways, I am now safe at home just trying to finally relax.

3BT
1. breathing a great big sigh of relief
2. family
3. going out for *good* chinese food

Is love real?

2005-03-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

When I say love, I mean this glorified idea of love. The love we see in the movies; the love we are all waiting for. Can true love sweep us off our feet on a daily basis? Or is love destined to settle into a routine? Imagine that first kiss with a new person. That excitement and anxiety. Can you have that same feeling forever with one person? Or are you destined to take it all for granted: the sweet kisses, the passionate embraces, the stolen glances, the loving caresses? Does all love lose its romance after awhile? I can't say I want to settle for the routine, the meaningless pecks. Sure I don't think you are doomed to fall out of love eventually, but perhaps it is inevitable that the romance die down and the connection only be shared on a deeper level without the fairy-tale feelings. I enjoy the intimate bond that comes late in a relationship, but find myself missing the excitement. Sometimes I really want to be swept off my feet again and feel the romance all over again. It's not that I don't like where the relationship is now, I just miss the old feelings. So can there be a lifetime of edge-of-your-seat romance spent with a single person?

What if you were interviewed by your mom?

2005-03-07T15:22:00.000-05:00

Well, it just so happens I have been. But, I asked for it. You see, mother dear took a survey that someone sent her that had taken a survey that someone sent her... and so on. It is a very cool concept because the person giving the survey makes up the questions based on what they know about you, however much it is. Then from the answers given, the interviewer and other readers can get to know the person in ways they probably never would have. Unlike most surveys and the like these are not your simple 'what is your favorite movie' type questions, but thought provoking, sometimes personal questions that evoke very personal answers. I often find that these type of questions will help the person answering them to learn more about themselves than those who read will learn. My mom probably has quite an unfair advantage as an interviewer, but hey, the questions are bound to be more thought provoking, right? Well here goes!

We all know you're a struggling college student, what has been the toughest thing about your first year at college? I am a planner. Most of my excitement has always come from making plans and not necessarily from actually carrying out these plans. Every situation, every moment I think about who or what I will be in the next moment or situation. It has to be better tomorrow, right? I tell myself lies. One of the biggest lies I ever believed was that I was 'born' for college. I truly believed that I would come into my element once I made it to college. High school was always a bummer, surrounded by people my age, but not my maturity level, etc. I have practically been waiting all my life for this moment. And now I am here, and I am going out of my mind. There was the initial shock and stress and homesickness. But beyond that I realized that I wasn't as ready for college as I thought. Sure, I have gotten used to it and I enjoy it- but it certaintly isn't much better than high school. I think I have finally figured it out. Things really are what you make them. With all the planning I did for college, I never actually thought about the reality of it. I still have to live, to put forth effort. College itself isn't just going to make me happy, I have to do it. I have to find what is right for me by actually living. I have now decided that I don't exactly know what I want to do with the rest of my life, or even the rest of my college career, but that realization has in fact made me happier. I am now beginning to enjoy being a college student. And that has been the toughest thing for me: Realizing that I just have to live and decide as I go; I can't plan ahead for everything and I don't need to know what I want to do right now. It has been a real turn-around for me, and it feels really good.

What would be your dream job?
My dream job would be a job that I could listen to people and use my knowledge to help them, and of course, make enough money to live comfortably. This immediately sounds like a psychologist, but you would be surprised to learn that once you actually start making your way into the world of psychology that it just isn't that simple. I have to categorize myself and learn all this stuff that I will never use. It evens seems as though the psychological powers that be want students to be neurological and/or experimental psychologists. No one talks about the therapist that listens to people, and if by chance counseling psychology is mentioned, it is as if it were an afterthought, a mumble. It's research, research, research. That is not what I signed up for. Sure I like science enough, but that is not how I picture my life- rigid, structured, and held down by the boundaries and rules of science. Help!?

So you're moving back to Maine from Virginia. Name your 5 favorite things about both states, and your 5 least favorite.
Maine first because that is where it all started!
Favorite:
1. The beaches. The rocky beaches are gorgeous and I can't say I've found anything that makes me feel more connected to nature than Maine's southern shore.
2. The snow. It's pretty! And believe it or not Mainers should feel lucky because there are many people out there that would give anything for a good snowstorm.
3. My family. My family is one of the only things in life that is stable and I cannot live without them. They are my sounding board, my firm foundation, my home. I am very dependent on my family's love.
4. The summers. There is NOTHING like a Maine summer! I can't think of anywhere I would rather spend my summer. Though it is short-lived, it is VERY beautiful and offers so many opportunities. Daytime temperatures range from the 60s to the 90s, but most generally stay around the upper 70s to mid 80s. PERFECT! Evening temperatures often dip down just enough to haul your sweatshirt out or sit around a fire. This type of weather coupled with the beautiful landscape makes Maine the ideal place for camping, fishing, hiking, etc. All things that I feel everyone needs more of!
5. The ice cream. Nobody does ice cream like Maine. There are more ice cream shops in the North East probably than anywhere in the world and it sure is a beautiful thing. Most places serve homemade ice cream and I have had the pleasure to work for the best for the past 3 years. Get yourself some Shain's of Maine ice cream and you'll never feel the same about your Ben and Jerry's pint again. Vermont's got nothing on us!

Least Favorites:
1. Snow. I know I just said it was my favorite- and it is! But only until December 26. Then it just gets redundant and never goes away. It makes you want to hermit yourself away and sometimes it feels like spring will never come.
2. Change? What's that? Mainers are stubborn. They don't want to see change- EVER! The simplest things stay the same old ancient way just because we're too afraid it will hurt nature, bring more crime, or we just plain don't want our lives to change. Things like computers instead of typewriters in the town hall for instance, are changes for the better. Things go quicker and people are less grouchy, right? Not in Maine. Change is the 'debil'. I like Maine's quaint seclusion from the rest of the world most of the time, but sometimes it goes a little too far.
3. Maine? Whats that? Nobody knows a damn thing about Maine except that it is up North and it is cold. Tell anyone you are from Maine and things get quiet. No interesting questions. Take for instance I said I lived in California, people would ask questions- 'have you been to hollywood?' 'how bout San Francisco?' but no one even knows the capital city much less what Maine has to offer. Maine doesn't have any interesting stories, unless you count yearly snowfall amounts. People listen when you talk about snow.
4. Seafood. Everyone likes seafood. But not me. I'll eat some shrimp, maybe the occasional piece of fried haddock but thats about it. NO, I DON'T LIKE LOBSTER! Don't bother with your sob story of how it costs an arm and a leg for lobster where you live and that you'd give anything to get some delicious lobster at Maine's prices. I don't care. I don't like lobster and for all I care all the lobster in the Atlantic Ocean could die. Why is it that lobster has to be Maine's one claim to fame? Couldn't it be ice cream?
5. Sneaky, Sneaky. You live in Maine, you have all kinds of complaints, and then you sit down to write down all the things you hate and you can't come up with more than 4 things. In fact, you realize you don't even really hate the things you just mentioned. Maine has this sneaky way of forcing you to like it. Forget the frigid temps and that dastardly lobster, you can no longer think of any reason why you would abandon such a beautiful state. Damn that Maine! Yeah, I miss that f***ing lobster.

Okay, wow, that took a long time... Virginia's turn!
Favorites:
1. The two one-month periods that could be loosely characterized by the terms Fall and Spring. There really isn't much different between them. Both include mild temps and warm fuzzy feelings.
2. Metropolis. 'You're gonna LOVE Richmond!' I hate to say it, but I do. It's nice to enjoy a city every now and then and Richmond is the perfect city. Not too big, not too little.
3. The schools. I learned more and was challenged far more when I attended school in VA than good ole ME. There were more opportunities for me to exercise my academic ability. Overall it was a better learning environment and I credit the Hanover County school system for much of my success to this day.
4. The attractions. Theme parks, battlefield parks, easy access to the nation's capitol, rich history. The area is just overflowing with things to see and do. If one were to take advantage of all that VA had to offer, he/she would be busy for a very long time.
5. The accent. Some people don't have an accent, but a lot of people do. It's warm and welcoming. I think a southern accent is the friendliest accent there is. Sure beats the Maine accent, ayuh?

Least favorites
1. Weather. My friend Candi put it like this, 'Virginia's weather is consistently inconsistent.' Sure you can probably count on a good 4 months of sweltering heat and humidity, but after that its all up in the air. Take the past few days. Saturday morning I woke up to see it spitting snow (of course it didn't accumulate). Today it is 72 degrees and sunny with the most perfect breeze you can ever imagine. The weather men are calling for snow again on Friday. Go figure.
2. In between. Virginia is like a child born to a bi-racial couple. It's not accepted among the southern states, but not among the northern states either. Poor Maryland and Virginia. They just get left out. I can say I'm from the south if I go to Maine and they agree, but not so much if I go to Georgia.
3. Sports. Virginia doesn't have a professional sports team. In baseball we settle for the Atlanta Braves or the Baltimore Orioles and in football it's either the Redskins or a la carte. It's not like we don't have the money. I don't get it. How can New York city have 2 baseball teams when we get none? No fair.
4. Conservatism. I'm not saying I'm a liberal, but I'm certainly not conservative. Not to the extent that this state is. Example: A bill just barely got shot down that would have called for the punishment of boys under 18 who wear their pants below their waistline. Come, on Virginia, we've got better things to do.
5. Mom's not here. Self-explanatory.

I know you've yet to become a college campus activist, but if you were to become one, what would your cause be?
Well, that is a very tough question. College students are infamous for their many strong opinions. I am one of them. I guess if I have to pick just one cause it would be education. I don't hate Bush, but he has the wrong idea about education. No child left behind? Nobody wants children to be left behind, but does that mean we have to short-change the gifted children? I can see the logic behind standardized education, but it's not good for our country. By lowering the expectations and eliminating creativity and independent thinking we are creating one big mess. I have learned the most from the teachers who haven't taught straight from the book. Those teachers out there who don't worry about tests, but worry about teaching their students something that they will remember and use are the answer. Creating a test and teaching accordingly is ridiculous! That is not learning, that is conditioning. We must create learning environments in which children are given opportunities to challenge ideas and encouraged to discuss with their peers and teachers. Test taking is NOT a measure of intelligence, learning, or any sort of intellectual accomplishment. At least, multiple choice tests aren't helpful. Although I despise essay tests they are a much better measure of one's understanding of concepts. We cannot let our children be molded into test-taking robots. Standardized testing/teaching = standardized students. We don't want that. America likes diversity and opportunity. Let's not lose sight of that.

What is your favorite time of year and why? Give us your favorite memory from that time.
Spring is the time of year for me. Maybe it has something to do with being born in the Spring. Anyways, something about the warm weather, sun, flowers, birds, etc makes me feel giddy. After a couple months of cold weather I'm always more than ready for the short sleeves. It's not just the weather, but what the weather brings. Open windows, birds chirping, flip flops, sunglasses, outdoor activities. It's wonderful! My favorite Spring memory is a couple years ago in Maine. It had been a long winter and Spring was a saving grace. My friend and I decided to walk home from school on one of the first warm days in 4 months. It is a simple memory, but I remember it so vividly. The smells, the sounds, the feeling I had in my stomach. The first day of Spring in Maine is so freeing.

It's mid semester crunch time...

2005-03-03T18:02:00.000-05:00

It's that time again... you know, the time when the due date for projects are right around the corner. Last semester I wasn't so lucky. Crunch time fell only a week or two before finals. That was tough. I am happy to say that cruch time this semester is here a little earlier. My adolescent development project is due the Thursday after we get back from spring break, my history paper is due that Friday, bio presentation is the week after that along with my sociology project. The only thing left for the end of the semester will be my research methods paper. It will be nice to have all done well before finals. The one downside is how spring break is jammed right in the midst of our so-called crunch time. This means I will either have to show some motivation and get most of it done before break or I will have to work til my brain explodes after spring break in order to avoid spending my whole break doing work. It's all kind of overwhelming right now, so overwhelming that it is hard to get anything done. I can't wait for break!

Snow day....

2005-02-28T22:08:00.000-05:00

FINALLY!!! We actually got more than a dusting of snow- which of course cancelled classes. It was very exciting, except I didn't really do anything. In fact, other than the fact that I didn't have class there really wasn't anything good about today. William is pretty sick- he's had this lingering cold for a couple weeks now and now it's getting worse. I feel bad for him. Based on the fact that he is sick, we did absolutely nothing today. We burned some cds and laid in bed watching dumb mtv shows and Silence of the Lambs. I had never seen Silence of the Lambs before, but it wasn't anything to get giddy about. I suppose it was mildly suspenseful and Anthony Hopkins is great in it, but it wasn't nearly what most people make it out to be. So that is it, that is my day. And right now I'm at William's but he is playing San Andreas (which he has already beaten) and chatting with a friend of his... so I figured I could take the time to blog. I suppose there was work I could have gotten done today, but I decided I had to take advantage of the opportunity presented- which proved to be a bad idea. I would have been less bored had I chosen to do some homework. Ugh. I'm not going to feel guilty about it, though, because who would have figured a snow day would have been so uneventful? Guess it's back to the grind tomorrow. I could always hope for the incompetence of VDOT (Virginia Department of Transportation) to win me an extra snow day tomorrow, but I won't hold my breath. To top it all off, CSI: Miami isn't even new tonight. Bummer. What a crappy day- and it had so much potential, too. *shakes head and sighs*

3BT
1. Warm blankets
2. Mashed potatoes
3. Timberland boots

Sucked in by reality...

2005-02-25T00:18:00.000-05:00

So tonight was fairly uneventful... I did thoroughly enjoy CSI, as always (have you ever noticed how hot Grissom is when he talks about bugs? Let's not even mention Greg!) I also watched Survivor Palau. I'm not exactly sure what prompted me to start watching this season. I had previously made a pact with myself to stop watching the stupid show, mostly for its lack of any originality(remember it's in like its 10th season now) and almost unmistakable "scripting". I mean really, does anyone believe that Jeff Probst pulls the votes out in such a suspenseful order every time by coincidence? And the casting! Omigod, could they be any MORE obvious that they are just filling certain roles? Roles that contain personalities that are BOUND to clash! There is always the gay guy, the ex-military old guy, the annoying/gullible old lady, a couple beautiful modelish looking guys and gals, a really bossy chick, a take charge, resourceful middle-aged man, the whiny lazy chick, etc. Not to mention the challenges are almost always the same, the locations are most usually resort islands (seriously, if they walked a few miles they could be enjoying margaritas and hot tubs). I've been saying since it first came out that it is a rubbish show. I have even condemned viewers of it and other ridiculous reality shows 'pathetic' and 'lame', or even 'those nosy neighbor-types just looking for some real controversy'. And yet here I am, sucked into it. People say it is innate in us to crave a view into others lives, but I do not think this is the reason for my interest. I have found that I am thoroughly enthralled with the new show LOST as well. Now before you go jumping to conclusions about LOST being a Survivor-like show, I have already taken into consideration a possible adventure/survival/gilligan's island-type fetish. I do not think this is a correct assumption, though I do not think it entirely wrong. Side note... I think personally that LOST is MORE realistic than Survivor, and that is not saying much. Anyways, I believe I have come to one good conclusion as to why I have been sucked in by the type of shows I would normally belittle. It's college. I look for anything to look forward to, to occupy my time, and to keep me from thinking about work. And what better to do that than a mindless, easily-to-follow plot, with characters living lives nothing like my own? There is nothing to remind me of my own life, therefore making it the perfect show for me. Plus, I enjoy a good laugh, and laughing at the stupidity of the characters is the only real enjoyment I get from Survivor. There isn't much good on television these days, and I believe Survivor is the scum of all the scum- save shows like Fear Factor and (sorry Mom) Nip Tuck and Desperate Housewives. But hey, I'm in college, mind-numbing activities are what get me through.

Or maybe I'm just trying to justify my new fascination with this utter crap...

3BT
1. popcorn
2. cancelled class
3. mendelian genetics

double sigh

2005-02-23T01:21:00.000-05:00

I was visiting my best friend's blog tonight and she had a survey posted:
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain it.
7. Describe me in 1 word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

I can't resist a survey so I filled it out. Surveys are usually goofy little questionnaires that make you think about your favorite foods and songs, etc. Never did I think it would have an emotional impact on me. After not seeing my best friend in almost 4 years, these questions made me do a lot of reminiscing. It hit me out of nowhere. I REALLY REALLY MISS HER. Sure, I've had other friends come and go, but none that I have felt such a connection with. I can remember the fun times we had like they were yesterday. Amidst all this reminiscing I can't help wondering what it would have been like if we would have gone through high school together, maybe even opted to go to college together. How would things have been different with (we'll call her "Stan") Stan there? I get selfish sometimes and wish she could just come live with me and go to college with me. But then I realize that I just really want her to be happy. Although I would really like to have her be a more tangible part of my life I understand that it isn't possible and that I am very lucky to even maintain the type of bond that we still share. I read her online journal, she reads my blog, sometimes we catch each other on yahoo messenger and sometimes we just have to pick up the phone. I think it is so hard to pick up the phone and call because I know I'm not and can't be the part in her life right now that I want to be. She has new friends and a new life and so do I. But it is painful to think that I can't be there for the big things, or, more importantly, the little things. It also hurts to think that she can't be part of my new life. So many things are changing and exciting-we're adults- but I don't have her here to share it all with. Even though I have William, and we have our own bond, there is nothing like your best gal pal. I miss our girl time, cuz even though we always had our mature outlooks on things that allowed us to connect, it was those outrageous immature moments that truly made the friendship.
I have to admit there are times when I don't think of her. I don't send her birthday gifts or Christmas cards, I hardly ever call, I haven't visited. That is what is most painful of all, the moments that I don't think of her. Those times are the times that I realize just how far apart we are, and how much I wish it were not so. I want her here- I want to throw her surprise birthday parties, I want to stay up all night talking about anything and everything, I want to lift her spirits when she is having a bad day. Ever since she has gone away I have been searching for something, not quite sure what, but I have yet to find it. I found it tonight when I responded to her survey. I've been looking for her. I cried when I filled out that survey. You know how some people believe that everyone has a soul mate? Well, I think Stan is my soul friend. Our bond is one-of-a-kind. If what they say is true about 'soul mates' then this pair of 'soul friends' may be destined to find each other again. I can only hope that wherever my path leads, that it may eventually run right alongside hers.

3BT
1. a good cry
2. loofahs (especially jumbo pink ones)
3. goodwill

Yawn, it's been a long day...

2005-02-22T00:05:00.000-05:00

Alright, so this weekend was pretty cool. William and I set out to find Krispy Kreme on Saturday morning. Once there we proceeded to eat 3 doughnuts a piece! Ugh. Well they were yummy and not very filling! From there we headed to Virginia Center Commons where we ate more food- chinese food- extra yummy. Feeling the need to walk around a bit we stopped by some stores. I really wish I could just go buy a whole new wardrobe, I saw all kinds of pretty clothes. But instead, I bought William and I hoodies and he bought us matching t-shirts. Not too bad! Next it was off to see Hitch. Cute movie. Obviously not on the list for best screenplay or anything like that, but definitely what you might expect from a Will Smith romantic comedy: predictable plot, but lots of laughs. Have I mentioned that I'm a big fan of Kevin James? He's way cute! And he has a cute part in the movie. Anyways, moving on...
Today was gross. Well it started off gross. An 8 am class on a Monday morning never goes well for a college student I suppose. Couple that with the fact that I have two labs on Monday that keep me out straight from 8am-4pm and you have one grumpy freshman. Some things went well, though. I got my Bio test back... 95! yay! I also got a check for a nice amount of money which means I no longer have to pinch pennies quite so much. Another yay. I went to work out at the on-campus gym tonight only to get there and remember how I utterly despise crowded weight rooms. So I opted for a nice brisk walk around the campus to get my heart racing. Maybe I'll do some crunches tomorrow. I have, however, been eating better. I feel healthier already! Just in time for my monthly shedding of uterus lining. Do you think it will make a difference? I sure hope so. 19 more days til Spring Break!!! I gotta get crackin on my projects so that I don't have anything to do while I'm in Maine. Well, I'm gonna get in bed so I'm cheery for breakfast with my man in the morning. Night all!

3BT:
1. Mom-made scarves!
2. Breaking a good sweat.
3. A good old-fashioned makeout session- one that brings back those giddy feelings of the first few kisses! *sigh*
I am adding a 4th one tonight: HAVING $$$$

The Package from Home

2005-02-13T11:55:00.000-05:00

On Thursday my promised Valentine's package arrived. I have to say it feels really nice to get a package from home- possibly one of the best things to happen to you when you are far away from home. Here's a rundown of what my awesome family sent William and I:
Valentine's candy
Lofthouse cookies
Plastic wine glasses
Sparkling cider
T-shirts (a pretty red old navy red shirt for me and a patriots shirt for William)
Easy Mac
Gold fish
Ping pong paddles (the ones here are really shabby)
And last but not least: A single serving coffee pot! (complete with cute little single serving pouches of coffee grounds)
Disclaimer: Mom, if I forgot something it is not because I don't appreciate it... I just woke up.

Anyways, the coffee pot- soooo cool! I've been complaining to my mom since I got back to campus that I haven't had a decent cup of coffee here. After spending a month in Maine drinking the best coffee ever, the crappy stuff here just won't cut it. Plus, it would mean leaving for class early to stop by the cafe. I've had coffee every morning since I got it. It's such a great gift. My family rocks!

Yesterday was Naked Saturday. I have to say it was very freeing. William says, hey when we get old we should join a nudist colony. I wouldn't go that far. But yesterday was pretty fun. At the end of the day though, I definitely was ready to put clothes back on. It's weird how much you rely on clothes. Well, time to eat some sausage biscuits!

River of vomit

2005-02-08T01:04:00.000-05:00

Well, actually the title of this post refers to 2 separate unfortunate events of today, but I thought that titling it that way would create more suspense. Anyways, to recount todays two "ugh" factors...
I woke up this morning, not to my alarm (actually alarms plural, I set two because, well we all know things can happen, me more than most) but to the sound of vomit hitting the bathroom floor. What an unfortunate way to start the day. My roommate has since been puking her guts out all day. Have I ever mentioned that besides sharks and failing, vomitting is my worst fear? Billy swears I must be a freak, but every vomit experience I've ever had has been so unpleasant that whenever I feel the slightest inkling of nausea I pray God to strike me dead rather than live through the hurling. I'm not sure what everyone else's experiences have been, but I have always 1. cried 2. wanted mommy and 3. felt like dying, both during and after the vomitting process. If I were to vomit here, so many miles away from home... well, I'd have to insist that my mother fly down here to be by my side. I cannot do it without her, I know this. So if my roommate were to have a flu, virus, or any other kind of communicable sickness, disaster could ensue. I have tried to be out of the room as much as possible for fear of catching this pukiness. And to avoid seeing, hearing, knowing of the puking taking place. This morning I almost puked just knowing that she was puking. I studied for tomorrow's test in a variety of places (i'm sure that won't prove to have been a good study strategy) just to stay away. There is this foreboding stagnant-feeling air in my room. Maybe I'm just imagining it, but it makes me want to curl up and die just the same. I'm actually really hoping when she goes to Health and Wellness tomorrow that they tell her to go home. Then I can air out the room and live in peace knowing the vomitress is gone.

So, besides that, my day hasn't been all that bad, save the beginning. Not only was I made aware of my roommates stomach issues, but I also had to wade in a cold, muddy river at 8am. Bio lab took to the river to gather water samples. I ask you, why couldn't our Bio professor have driven out to the muddy river with a huge bucket and collected water for us? Must be because she really loves watching groggy college freshmen hike a half a mile to a grimy river to wade in it for a few water samples. The trek and the whole wading thing really seemed pointless when I had collected my samples in about 2 seconds and me and my 25 classmates headed back to campus after a 5 minute stay. Not to mention carrying the heavy wading boots back to campus. I was alright carrying them on the way there cuz I draped them over my arm, but on the way back they were wet so I had to carry them rather awkwardly. None of the guys even asked to help as they watched me struggling about 5 minutes into the walk back. It was one of the stupidest Monday mornings I've had in awhile.

3BT
1. I'm not vomitting... yet.
2. Cold pizza
3. PATRIOTS WIN AGAIN!!! yee-haw

Ready

2005-02-02T16:45:00.000-05:00

Wow, I'm so ready to leave. Now that it's been determined that I AM returning to Maine and arrangements are starting to be made, I just wanna go- NOW! I know I'm especially not gonna want to return for 6 more weeks after Spring Break. I'm getting more and more annoyed with living on campus. I'm so anxious! I know things need time to work their way out and everything, but I'm just so ready to be done with it. I'm done with dhall food, campus confinement, sharing a room with someone I hardly know outside of school- it's all very annoying. But I have to stick it out and I will, probably more gracefully than I think. I'm one of those people that when I know there is a change taking place, it excites me, but I want it to happen immediately. It's the only thing I'm very impatient about these days.

Another thing that is very annoying about my life, and always has been is the expectation I've always had to live up to. Now, don't get me wrong, I think rather high expectations are not only good but highly beneficial- probably what I can credit most of my success to. However, I am really ready at this point to be a regular person. I don't want to be "honors" or "advanced" anymore. I don't mean that I want to slack off or stop trying. It's mainly the titles that do me in. If I am considered "honors" then there is something to reach for, to maintain. When there is a major goal at hand (academically speaking) I cannot resist pushing myself to the breaking point to achieve it. I normally get these titles because I like them. Even though I am denouncing them right now, it is mostly my own fault that I am labeled the way I am. I took honors courses in high school, I applied for the honors program at LU, and I applied for the citizen scholar scholarship. I like being associated with uniqueness, intelligence, leadership. I like to named as an elite member of a community. BUT, due to the stress I always put upon myself to maintain these titles (do or die type of stress), I have come to dislike them very much. I no longer want to HAVE to maintain a 3.5 GPA! Problem is, it is so ingrained in my head that I can't seem to push it aside. I tried to tell myself that now that I am leaving LU I do not have to worry this semester about 'not quite making it' with my GPA. Living in ARC, staying in the honors program, and keeping my big scholarship are no longer concerns for me. But I still stress about everything. It could also have something to do with people reinforcing my stress. Like when I went to talk to my advisor yesterday she told me that as long as I keep above a 3.4 GPA I should be fine to get into grad school. She made it sound so important. What? Oh God, here we go again. She was absolutely delighted with my 3.7 last semester. What the hell?! How can I become like the rest of the college students: carefree, happy, etc. At this point I HATE college. I don't want to do it because of the pressure of grad school, getting a good job, etc. But I NEED to apparently. Because I am intelligent and I have the capabilities to earn that high GPA I will be a disappointment if I don't. They'll blame it on something like 'getting too caught up in college life' or 'getting lazy'. Sometimes I do feel like I'm just being lazy, but did anyone ever think that maybe if an intelligent, capable person starts slipping in their academics it could just be they are overwhelmed by the expectations laid before them? I know that's what my problem is because I often think of homework in a positive light, a time I can have to myself, a time to demonstrate to myself my own capabilities, but these days I just dread the simplest tasks. Would it be so bad of me to get less than a 3.5 GPA? Does it HAVE to mean I'm either not smart enough or too lazy? Do I need to be a professional? If so, why? I'm really sick of it, I just want to be normal nowadays. No fancy titles, no expectations. Just normal. Ugh. I don't wanna read for adolescent development... and I'm not going to. There. I'm rebelling against the vicious system. I might get a B in that class if I don't read! Oh no! So fucking what! I'm just a person. In fact, I think I will only read for that classes that I absolutely HAVE to, like the ones that give reading quizzes and such. Just to rebel a little more. I'll experiment and see if this small act of relieving stress will cause my grades to go down. And if anyone objects... well, don't tell me, cuz then I will doubt myself and go back to stressing myself out about it and then, well you get the picture. So hush! Let me try it.

3BT
1. NOT having the flu
2. My birthday is in a month and 23 days
3. Grilled cheese

Like mother, like daughter

2005-01-31T15:25:00.000-05:00

Yup, I'm going back to Maine. No more Virginia for this chick, not for now at least. I honestly miss the snow. I never thought I would say that, but after being promised 1-5 inches 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the stupid weatherpeople down here without reward, I'm ready for another honest-to-goodness Maine snowstorm. I'm also excited to go and live with my mom. I loved visiting her apartment in NC and now I can live with her in her new apartment (when she gets it). I'm going to transfer to a school in the area and commute. That is the perfect arrangement for me since I like to be at home a lot. The third great thing about going back to Maine is the lower tuition. I am paying about $18000 right now because I am out-of-state, which really isn't fair cuz I'm already paying all kinds of extra incidentals because i'm far away from home, let alone a higher tuition. Anyways, the school I'm transferring to is only $5,500/year. Sounds like a much better deal, doesn't it? Overall I'm going to be happier and hopefully less stressed. But even if I am MORE stressed I have my family to lean on. The immediate effects are cool, too. Because I'm not coming back next year I don't have to worry about keeping a GPA that meets honors program standards, which equals WAY less stress for me. I doubt that I will fall under that GPA anyways, but it's always nice knowing you don't HAVE to.

3BT
1. Chatting with a friend
2. Making decisions that make me happy
3. Having something to look forward to

2005-01-27T14:52:00.000-05:00

Figure 1

Being a female 101

2005-01-27T14:12:00.000-05:00

So, I'd like to ask you today, what is worse than the first day of your period (complete with cramps, back aches, and a general feeling of ickiness)? How about on top of that, having to sit through an hour and 15 minute long class telling me about just what I'm feeling and why? Yes, today was "learn about puberty day" in my Adolescent Development class. Now, I have a good base of general knowledge about my cycle. This isn't the first class (this year even) that has reviewed the cycle. BUT however intriguing it might be, it just seems to lose its charm when you're not just recalling previous cramps but dealing with them at the present moment. I just wanted Dr. B to shut up. You must understand that when in the fragile state of menstruation, a woman does not want to hear a MAN telling her about what she is going through. I mean really, what does a MAN know anyway? No amount of studying or sympathizing done by any male will yield understanding. Even Dr. B points out that there are few down sides to going through puberty as a male (finally one who will admit defeat!). Now, on any other day I would have been appreciative of Dr. B's knowledge and willingness to explain to a class of about 25 females and 5 males the anatomy and physiology of the female reproductive system. But today was not that day, Dr. B! I must admit, however, that even in my disgust at the situation, I recognized how ballsy it was for him to brave the subject matter with ease. He had to suspect that out of 25 girls, at least a handfull would be menstruating as he spoke, and he, I might being going out on a limb saying this, is a hero among men. I say this because, honestly, how many men would be enthusiastic about talking to a room full of girls about "that time of the month"? Any slight bit of misinformation could have cost him his head, any word out of place or mistaken, he would have been a goner. I applaud Dr. B and at the same time curse him. He is a brave man, but I was just simply not in the mood for his heroics this afternoon. Gotta love being a girl. But I suppose being a man surrounded by women has its own trials, too. Too bad for Longwood guys- Longwood has a slightly weighty male/female ratio-only about 1 in 5 students are male. My advice to any male: steer clear of telling a women about how she is feeling on those days when you couldn't possibly understand- and on the other days, steer clear anyways, cuz chances are you may still suffer serious consequences.

Before I go I would also like to curse Virginia's wacky weather. Yesterday got to 50 degrees and the air smelled like spring! Unfortunately today I awoke to a very windy 28 degrees.

3BT
1. Make-it-yourself dhall waffles! Soooo good!
2. Ebay
3. Things that make you go "hmmmm" : Demented Cartoon (Don't click on the link unless you have a half an hour to waste and you feel like watching something very puzzling and pointless, but I found it funny despite it's obvious lack of meaning and sanity)

Hum drum

2005-01-26T15:02:00.000-05:00

Booooring! That is a summary of my day. I started off hearing the 3rd lecture this year on how to use the library's resources to find information. God, I've had that speech every semester since I was first introduced to research. For some reason people just don't give us kids the benefit of the doubt when it comes to using technology. Chances are I could have figured out EVERYTHING that lady told us today all on my own. It's called the "trial and error" method and I learned THAT a long time ago, too. Anyhow, next up was my history lecture class (I'm sure you can all imagine what that was like) and then on to sociology, which was spent coming up with a topic in groups for a survey project. My group was done in the first two minutes, leaving 48 minutes to sit and stare at one another. Fun day so far! I have to say, in my day's defense, that I did eat lunch at Chik-fil-A, which is always a treat. However, that does not salvage my day! But, to brighten things up I will mention a few cool things that have happened lately:
1. I got mail from Shain's (aka Stacie and Allie)
2. I bought a dress for $5.50 on ebay (well $11 with shipping)
3. A have a secret Valentine who I get to buy stuff for (from my hall)

Thank you

2005-01-24T15:17:00.000-05:00

My mom was rather hurt that I forgot to mention my blog's recent makeover, so I'm going to take time now to thank her for putting her time into making my blog look beautiful. If you would like to compliment her on her wonderful blog-prettifying skills (which I would highly encourage, since I totally dropped the ball- yes, I'm asking you to make up for my ungratefullness!) you can drop her a note at Princess Girly Girl's Blog .

And, just to continue my rant from yesterday: Winter's woes strike again! Although every public school in the surrounding area- including this county- was out of school today, we had classes. Granted, there was no apparent reason for classes to be cancelled and we are a university (roll eyes here) , but jeez, EVERYONE ELSE was out. GRRR. Instead I had to walk to class in the frigid temps at 8am. It was 10 degrees this morning! In southern VA! I don't get it, the "Snow Miser" hates me!

On an upbeat note: I have recently become very excited about an almost forgotten thing. Have I ever mentioned that I love Harry Potter? Not HP himself, but I'm obsessed with the books. So what am I so excited about? Well, if you're any sort of HP fan yourself you know just what I'm talking about. Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It is being released this July. Let me tell you, as soon as I get my money misadventures sorted out you can bet that I'll be reserving a copy on Amazon.com. I just recently realized I didn't remember much from Order of the Pheonix so I am reading it for the second time to remind myself (it is the only one I haven't read twice). I forgot how nice it is to have some leisure reading amongst all the monotonous text book reading. I am happy to say I found that pleasure once again!

3BT
1. Harry Potter!
2. Giving advice to a good friend
3. Linkin Park and Jay-Z
Wait there are FOUR today! PATRIOTS KICKED ASS LAST NIGHT! Superbowl bound, baby!

2005-01-23T13:21:00.000-05:00

Wow, I escaped just in time! That's my granpa snow blowing the foot of snow that they got in Maine this weekend.

Ice and football

2005-01-23T10:48:00.000-05:00

It's hard to blog when your naked boyfriend lay in the bed trying to seduce you. I know you don't want to hear that. It is far too much info, I know, but I just want you to know the sort of goofy things that have stood between me and writing a new post. Anyways, I will get down to it. You know, I thought that I had had quite enough winter for this year and I was releived to hear that while I was freezing in the snowy north over winter break, the south was getting spring-like temps and there was no sign of snow. However, as per my luck, the week I get back to school the temps dropped and the snow began to fall. What ticks me off even more is the fact that the snow is minimal. I know I said I was done with winter, but seriously, if we're gonna get snow, for god sakes let's get enough to cancel classes and to play in. No! Instead we get a dusting of snow which turns into sleet and we're left to slip and slide to D-hall*. And of course, the ice that could have possibly gotten us out of class didn't fall on a weekday, but on a Saturday. Blah! No fun!

Dear Winter,
Either go away, or be a little more accomadating!
Sincerely,
Shannon

There is only one thing that could salvage this weekend. You guessed it- a Patriots win in the AFC Championship game against the Steelers. God, if you think I hate winter, try being in the same room with me while watching the game today. The Steelers are the bane of my existence.

Well, I'm trying to make the best of this crappy weekend. Let's go Pats!

Today's three beautiful things
1. football
2. watching people down here try to clean up after the storm- what a laugh!
3. eating potatoes for breakfast

*for those of you who don't know college lingo- dhall is short for the dining hall

2005-01-22T22:16:00.000-05:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Back to school

2005-01-17T21:35:00.000-05:00

It's been way too long! Sorry to anyone who has been looking for fresh new post in the past month. Well, I'm back at school and I love it. I'm having a much better time. And based on the fact that I slept on my grandparents' couch for a month (not dissing that couch-its damn comfy), I am very happy to be sleeping in a bed now- with my own space and a place for all of my things. My classes seem pretty decent even though they may be a bit of work- at least I don't have spanish again. I've got to go for now, CSI: Miami is on (and its the only new CSI episode this week) but I promise to write more now that I am back.

Great things about today:
1. Both of my labs were cancelled (on the first day of class!!)
2. Billy (my b/f) is in one of my classes.

2004-12-21T22:25:00.000-05:00

Kelly Monster

Home again, home again...

2004-12-21T18:34:00.000-05:00

So yet again it has been awhile since my last post. I must admit that this time it is not so much that I have been busy, but rather that I have been avoiding thinking since my finals. Anyways, much to my relief I am done with finals and now safe at home. In fact, I just checked my grades for the semester online today and they are as follows:
English: A-
Statistics: A
Freshman Seminar: A
Biopsychology: B+
Spanish: A
My current GPA is 3.786

So as you can imagine I am quite excited and breathing lungs full of relief. With that over my days are now reduced to, well, not much actually. I'm REALLY bored. It's quite funny. I definitely don't want to be back at school but I am very very bored. I made brownies today, did housework and had coffee ready for when dad got home. This, you must understand, is very pathetic. I knew I would regret doing all of my wrapping on Sunday. At least I have some baking to do in the next few days. That will keep me busy. It's really cutting down on my social life not having 24 hour access to people by just walking down the hall, or heck, through the bathroom. I guess campus life is both convenient and deceiving. In the real world I have to make calls, make plans, and get in a car to be social. I'm not anxious for Christmas. I try most times not to be anxious about things that I am looking forward to because then they go by so damn fast and then they are over and I am left feeling lost and disappointed. Another down side of being back (I think so far there are only 2) is that Billy's mom has not changed. She still treats Billy like a little child and that cuts down even more on my social life. I'm used to seeing Billy on a daily basis at school. I think that besides sleeping, the longest we've ever gone at school without seeing one another is 5 or 6 hours. Now, you see, I anticipated not seeing him as much. A 7 minute drive down the road, as opposed to the 5 minute walk across campus alone is enough to ensure that. Put that together with the family time that both of us need plus the absence of our weekend sleepovers, inability to eat every meal together, and time spent with friends and I had accounted for significantally less time spent together. BUT, I hadn't tought that his mom would still tell him when to be home and argue when he wanted to spend the night at my house. For god's sake MY dad said he could be here whenever he wants. MY dad. For those of you who know my dad... the same dad that this summer told me that if Billy was in my room that I had to keep the door open (even at 18)... if he could give me some slack, goddamnit, Kelly should be able to loosen her grasp on her beloved baby boy. But no. NO NO NO. GRRRR. And every time I try to say something to him, assuring him that it is not natural for her to be so possesive and controlling he gets quiet. It is obvious he does not want to talk about it, and perhaps even resents me for bringing it up. It's soooo hard. I want him to see that he doesn't have to put up with it, but I can see he doesn't want to hear it, at least not from me. Maybe he likes being under his mother's thumb all the time. Whatever his maniacal reason for accepting her evil torture, I simply can't stand it! I can't stand her theories, rules, and evil reasoning and I'm beginning to resent him for not confronting this beast of an annoyance. Can't he be more of a man than this? Looking at his dad I can see that it is quite near impossible. Ugh. Well thank God we're at school for 7 out of the 12 months of the year... far, far away from mommy. I love Kelly as a person, but as an evil dictatorette she is absolutely unbearable. Pray to God I am never like her- and that I never make Billy too afraid to confront me that he just accepts conditions that he doesn't necessarily like or agree with. Sometimes I see him just avoiding confrontation in instances not involving his mom and I recognize that she has created a testicless monster. Well, enough, I could go on all Christmas break about her... and I'm sure you will hear about it again before I go back to LU. Anyways, I am glad to be home, despite the boredom and feeling as though Billy and I are 15 again. Maybe he'll be struck with some rock and come to his senses. Or better yet, she'll do something that sets him off real bad and he will finally stand up to her. Hahahahahahaahaha! Wishful thinking. Until then I am bored and frustrated. Hope something cheers me up soon. Signing off for now.
Hope Santa thinks I've been good this year! I think he can just look at my GPA!

Freaking out is not all that its cracked up to be.

2004-12-05T23:35:00.000-05:00

I am NOTORIOUS for freaking out about things. Homework, papers, tests especially. If I have 2 or more of any of these things (or a combination of 2 or more) going on at once I am a bucket full 'o stress. I can't stop thinking about the things I have to do. Whenever my mind isn't occupied by something else, in creeps my nagging to-do list. But you know what I've found out? It's NEVER as bad as it seems. This past week I was freaking out about some assignments and a project that I had to get done for this week. I had divided the work between this weekend and the upcoming week in order to give myself some leeway. Even though I had planned things out and knew I didn't have to worry it was still weighing on my mind. Every time my mind wandered for a second I started internally reciting what I had to do and when I was going to do it. So this weekend I sat down and started working on the things that were due. Turns out I finished EVERYTHING. And I didn't even have to work all weekend. I still had time to watch Law and Order re-runs on USA and take some time to be with Billy. Tonight Billy went back to his room at 7 and I had nothing to do. I created a study schedule for this week so that I am sure to ace my exams. Other than studying I have nothing left to do. Wow! So what was all that freaking out about? Sometimes I wonder why I can't be more like Billy. He doesn't worry about his work at all. He does it when it needs to be done and puts it out of his mind at all other times. Perhaps I am just overcompensating for my procrastination problem. Whatever it is, its surely annoying. I think I should be able to write it on my to-do list and then forget about it until it is time to do it. That will be my New Year's resolution.

On a more upbeat note, I talked to my dad and brother tonight. My brother, who never has anything to say to his dear older sister, somehow found himself immersed in exciting conversation tonight. I have to give him a break, he is a typical high school freshman. 4 years ago I wasn't so interested in talking to family on the phone either, heck I wasn't all that interested in family. But anyways, tonight was great. The first thing he said when I got on the phone was "12 days". OMG! That was the most touching thing he has said to me. He is counting down the days until I am home! I miss him so much. I miss him always messing things up and his annoying banter about video games. In fact, I've agreed to play video games with him when I am back. We talked about what we would do while I was there and it made me soooo ready to leave. I can't wait! He told me about school (which if you have never asked a high schooler how school is, you must know it is like pulling teeth to get them to say anything more than 'good') and he told me that they had fixed up my room for me to stay in, and that they had wallpapered his room. He talked my ear off. I had to stop him so that I could talk to dad a little. Talking to dad was good too. He seemed a little preoccupied but his girlfriend was there so I guess it was understandable. But we made plans to go on a shopping trip to pick out things for my Christmas gifts and also for my nieces. Last year was fun and I expect this year to be also. I'm not sure how its going to be with him having a girlfriend, but I will adjust. I'm glad to hear everyone is excited about my arrival. Like I said before, I can't wait! 12 days.

Thankful for today:
Sleeping in til noon

P.S.- Jessa I saw your message. I am going to call your cell this week sometime after 9 one night! I miss you and hope everything is going well.

2004-12-01T17:30:00.000-05:00

This should help.

Crunch time.

2004-12-01T15:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's been awhile. I'm just a little busy right now. Finals are a week and a half away. I have 3 projects due plus other various assignments to keep up with and a test tomorrow. It's 'Crunch Time'. I've been a tad bit stressed. But just for an update, Thanksgiving Break was wonderful. For a more in depth update, please refer to my mom's blog Princess Girly Girl's Blog. I'm sorry, I really don't have time to tell you the wonders of my stress free life while I am in the midst of the most stressful two weeks of the semester. However, as promised I am going to leave you a few things that I am currently thankful for.

1. Late night talks about 'the good-ol'-days.
2. Tasteful Treasures party on campus lead by a very enthusiastic middle-aged woman that reminded me of my Auntie G. (oh and don't forget the free penis pen topper that I got)
3. Having all my Christmas shopping done.
4. Christmas vacations starts in 16 days.
5. The crazy, sporadic Virginia weather, ie. went to my 9 am class in hard, cold pouring rain and hurricane force winds (hurricane is a slight exaggeration)- left class at 10 am to find sunshine, 60 degree weather and a slight breeze.
5. Chicken biscuit Tuesdays courtesy of Lancer Cafe's very own Chik-fil-a. They break the dining hall monotony.

2004-11-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

Giving Thanks!

2004-11-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

I was surfing through blogexplosion the other day when I found a site that truly touched me: Three Beatiful Things. Every day this woman records three things that have given her pleasure. This is amazing. Though it seems like only a small thing it is a huge accomplishment. By recognizing what has made her day worth living she has managed to make it so. You see, mankind, Americans especially, take life and all it's beauty for granted. The only reason life seems so dreary is because we do not take the time to see that it isn't so hopeless and void. Recognizing how beautiful life really is can also help us to live life more day to day (refer to my earlier post on time: "Tick, tick, tick..."). So in lieu of Thanksgiving, in this post I would like to attempt this nifty little trick. If I am successful I would like to continue to recognize at least one great thing about life in every post. Here goes!

Things I am thankful for today:
1. My 9am psych class was cancelled and so was my 3pm Spanish lab. Woohoo!
2. Tomorrow I leave to spend the rest of the week giving thanks with my mom and my boyfriend.
3. I had breakfast this morning (a blueberry bagel and a glass of sierra mist-not much but more than usual)
4. I'm listening to Metallica, 'Sad but True'
5. I have half of Billy's Christmas shopping done
6. There are only 3 weeks left of this semester
7. There is a nice autumn-y overcast looming outside- it's rather uplifting for being overcast!
8. The Patriots are playing tonight
9. I get to watch all 3 CSI with mom this week
10. Mom now has not 1, but 2 jobs! Go mom!
11. The tree might be here in time to decorate it after all!
12. I'm giving thanks!

Ahhh... that felt good! You should try it!

Happy Giving Thanks!

Is heaven hell?

2004-11-20T21:11:00.000-05:00

So I've come to the conclusion that heaven cannot be a good place to live. There are two general ideas of heaven. In the Christian's version of heaven (one in which only they can attend) you spend the rest of eternity serving, worshipping, praising God. Okay, wait a minute, isn't that what you're supposed to do to get into heaven? Now I thought heaven was supposed to be a reward for doing those things in your life on Earth. Shouldn't you be rewarded by not having to do those things anymore? Just a thought. Sure it's all nice to live forever and all, but that in itself isn't necessarily a reward unless it is enjoyable. What's the sense in wasting your whole life living for God in order to live forever when that's exactly what you're gonna do in the next life? Shouldn't heaven be a reprieve? Okay, nevermind, maybe I'm insane... perhaps I should live a selfless life on Earth so that I can live a selfless life in heaven, too. Seems to me the only difference between the two would be the lack of temptation to live for yourself in heaven. Oh yay! I don't want to write religion off completely yet, but I have a lot of questions. Anyways, moving on, the other popular idea of heaven is that it is a place without sin, or bad things-just a pretty place where you get what you want. Now at first this seems like a lovely choice, but with furthur investigation it is not without flaw. We complain that the world is a horrible place to live, with all kinds of evil and hardships. But I challenge you to REALLY think about what life would be like without the evil. How would we even know what good was if there was no evil? There would be no comparison. If we always got whatever we wanted, we never got sick, no one died life would be boring to say the least. Getting that lousy flu is what makes you appreciate being healthy. A broken heart makes yearn for love. If nothing ever went wrong there would be no goals, no reason to strive for anything. There wouldn't be a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It sounds strange, I know, to think of living a 'perfect' life yet being depressed. I challenge you to think about it, you'll see what I mean. In order to learn what something is, you must learn what it isn't. Now can you see the flaw with heaven? Eventually you'd wish you had died. When I think about dying it weirds me out a little, I'll admit, to think of not existing, but then again, I won't know I don't exist so I shouldn't worry about it. Anyways, I'm not trying to offend anyone, or denounce religion. I'm just thinking. Someday I may even embrace the belief of heaven, but for now I will keep asking questions. After all it is my job, I'm a college student. I'm supposed to challenge my beliefs and the beliefs of others-I'm not supposed to be sure what I believe in. I think I'm doing my job quite well, thank you! Exercise those brain cells, don't accept everything- challenge it. We don't accept scientific theories unless they've been tested time and again, so why do we just immediately accept religion or history or anything else we've been taught. It's our right and responsibility to think for oursleves.

Forces in the North are witholding 'tree of mass importance'

2004-11-18T23:39:00.000-05:00

Need tree. Need tree to survive! The holiday season, that is. When Christmas is you're favorite holiday, a year without a tree just won't do. Perhaps a visitation embargo would work, maybe threats of war if the "tree of mass importance" isn't handed over... THE TREE IS A MUST! This "group of folks" must surrender or action will be taken. The Santa Clause and a day of hustle and bustle at the mall is simply not enough. Though they are essential to the process, they do not create the atmosphere of Christmas cheer. That is the job of the traditional tree. I know it may seem that the mother unit and I are going a little postal about the Christmas decorations, but you must understand. This year has been especially hard for us, we have had to adjust to all new conditions. When we have the opportunity to do something that reminds us that not EVERYTHING has changed (like celebrating Christmas- believe it or not, there is still Christmas even when you start a new life), we're gonna jump on it like a sale at Victoria's Secret. Don't get me wrong, we would probably be just as mad-crazy-insane in the current situation at any given holiday season, however, this year is crucial, this could be our demise. So even though I would never wish to do anything inapropriate to my sweet grand units, I may be forced to do it if they refuse to release the tree. A Christmas without a tree is like a birthday without a cake, a banana without a peel, a boy without his dog. We are assembling our troops as we speak- this isn't gonna be pretty. Pray they surrender.

Tick, tick, tick

2004-11-15T23:28:00.000-05:00

So my Monday was pretty dreary. Since last week was rather laid back in the workload/stress department obviously this week must make up for that. It's really not that bad, just a test on Wednesday and a paper due Friday (plus the usual overabundance of spanish work). I assume that it just feels this way because I am anxious for Thanksgiving break. This weekend was great, spending time with Billy and Mom, sans her ex. But you know, two 4 and half hour trips separated only by two nights of relaxation really isn't satisfying. Granted, Thanksgiving break is only 3 more nights, but it is the longest break we've had since the semester began. I'm excited for the yummy turkey dinner! Not only will the dinner be super, but the company will be amazing! No obligations or expectations, just a good time with those I love. There has even been mention of braving the crazed masses at the mall on Friday. That is one of my favorite traditions. You should try it. Go to the mall with a friend or someone that you can laugh with, the day after Thanksgiving. Go with no intention of actually buying anything, maybe just some window shopping. No stress! If you go completely laid back and watch all the other people scramble around it gives you a pretty clear metaphor for what your life is usually like. Enjoy the fact that you are not one of them. Smile at people, be especially courteous, and take your time. It's truly therapeutic. Of course this is not the only tradition I am looking forward to. Perhaps everyone has their own way to transition into the Christmas spirit, but mine is especially enjoyable-in fact, it can be considered another stress-relieving activity, that is, if you have a good sense of humor. The Santa Clause. One of my FAVORITE Christmas movies, second only to the Grinch. It's a great family movie that really puts me in the Christmas mindset. I'm smiling just thinking about it. "Up on the roof there arose suchak ladder" Good times! So if you don't have any traditions of your own, I would suggest trying these. Anyways, I digress. What I really wanted to talk about deals with time. Because I'm looking forward to next week, I have painted myself into a stress corner, trying to get everything done and fill up my time until that event. As I get closer and closer to being a "real" adult (I am18 but I will admit to not even being close to adulthood yet- my parents are still paying a great deal of my bills) I notice that time goes by faster. I'm sure you've all noticed this also. It's unnerving I think. I remember when I used to get bored because I had nothing to do. Now I wish for those times- those times when Christmas would take forever to get here. Now it's here and gone in the blink of an eye. A gentleman in my english class made a point about this in a speech he gave. He said that it is because we are always planning for the future today. We all have our date books and our to do lists. We are looking so hard at tomorrow that we don't even see today. Tomorrow ROBS us of today! Everyone has heard the worn out phrase "live for today". Well, honestly, I try, but you know what ruins it? School. Due dates. Homework. Think about it. It is mainly school that has instilled this wonderful cycle. You go to class to prepare for the next class, which prepares for the next, which prepares for the test. How can I live for today when I have a paper due tomorrow? I have to think about tomorrow, I may even have to dwell on it. While I'm at school my mind is consumed by what I need to do for tomorrow. The future is not limitless because tomorrow will soon become today, and today is already yesterday. It's fierce and even depressing to think of it this way. Luckily, when I go to Mom's I cannot see this campus, so tomorrow fades a little and today is a little clearer. That is why 5 measly days at my mom's is like heaven. That is why I count down the days (feeding the ugly cycle still) until that fast-as-lightening couple of days where I can get a taste of living in the now. I wish there was a way to conquer tomorrow so that we might enjoy today. Teachers suggest making schedules for yourself. But isn't scheduling your free time just the opposite of what we are trying to do? Is there a way to live in the moment? Really?

Going "home"

2004-11-12T13:51:00.000-05:00

I know I touched on this a little in my post 'On Love', but I would like to re-emphasize. Sometimes, no matter how settled in you are to a new environment, you just need to go where you are most loved: home. It took me a long time to settle in here. I generally like change, but it doesn't always come easy. Especially not when it involves moving almost 1000 miles away from the home that I had just recently come to love, not to mention almost ALL of my family. I like to pride myself on being independent, but during the first few weeks after moving into my college dorm I began to think that I had been fooling myself all this time. Sunday nights were the WORST. With Monday looming ahead I was already depressed. Then, on top of that, I was stressed out, my roommate and I weren't really compatible (she goes to bed between 9 and 10 at night), and I missed my family. I just didn't feel at home, despite the close friendship my whole floor hares. I was (am) surrounded by the friendliest, most down-to-earth, intelligent individuals this school has to offer. How could I not feel at home? I couldn't understand it. I am even lucky enough to have my best friend (oh yeah, and she's also my mom) 4 and a half hours away. Which isn't bad considering the 13 hour trip to Maine to see the rest of my family. I always had (have) a great time when I go there. But then there is coming back to school after having a taste of comfort. It was often even harder after spending the weekends there. As much as my biggest complaint was how this wasn't home, that I didn't want to live at school, that what I really wanted was to leave school at the end of the day and go HOME, I wasn't really seeing the problem. After 13 years of being able to leave school after classes to go where I felt most comfortable to be surrounded by those that I love, it has been VERY hard to accept that after classes, I'm still at school. I still eat at the same places that I do during classes, walk by the same buildings. My stress follows me everywhere on campus. On my way to take a break from my work I would pass by the building that housed the very class that I needed to do work for. I couldn't escape it! You know how I found the solution? I ran out of available funds. Without gas money, it's a little hard to get anywhere. But this forced me to adjust. It seems escaping to my mom's EVERY weekend wasn't the solution, even though I always felt better while I was there. Since my roommate goes home every weekend, I had the room to myself. I had a chance to watch television whenever I wanted to, stay up (and in the room) as late as I wanted, leave the door to my room open with my music blaring... all the things I don't normally get to do but that I always want to. I had the chance to make it feel as much like home as I possibly could. Of course it will never be HOME, because my family is not here, but I can be comfortable. This weekend I am returning to my mom's for the first time in a few weeks. I thought I would wait til Thanksgiving, but now I'm just plain getting bored. It also doesn't help that almost everyone here is a resident so they all go home for weekends. Things have been looking up though. I don't get sooo depressed Sunday night anymore, and my roommate and I are getting along great. Turns out that she isn't as anti-social as I first thought! Accepting change is about forcing yourself to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Otherwise, how will you ever be comfortable?

2004-11-10T19:48:00.000-05:00

Paris in all her glory.

Hilton who?

2004-11-10T19:22:00.000-05:00

8 Reasons You’ll NEVER confuse me with Paris Hilton
Most of you probably know by now that my name is Shannon Hilton. Hilton as in Hilton Head, South Carolina, a beautiful vacation spot, or Hilton as in the chain of upscale hotels. Unfortunately, no one ever asks me if my dad owns the hotels or if I’m from South Carolina. Somehow my name links me to the least acceptable Hilton of all. The one and only Paris Hilton. How this has come about, I am really not sure. Yes our last names are the same, but I’m definitely NOT a 6 foot 2, 20 pound blonde model, and you will never see me with a rather creepy looking dog dressed in Armani under my arm. Come to think of it, there really isn’t anything besides the name that the two of us have in common. Nevertheless, the first question I am asked upon introducing myself is, “are you related to Paris?” I’m pretty sure no one that asks is really that unsure of our relation, but I suppose it could be a good conversation starter… Well, maybe if I hadn’t already been asked a million times before. For my own sake, and the sake of those of you who still cannot see the difference, I have compiled 8 reasons why you could never confuse us.

1. Money. While I spend thousands of dollars a year on furthering my education here at Longwood University, Paris is making millions. Not only does she benefit from being the heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune, but she earns her own cash modeling and starring in reality shows. In case you were wondering, I have no fortune to inherit, except maybe my dad’s ’93 Ford Taurus and his worn out Red Sox caps.

2. Celebrity. Any time you want you can turn on the television and watch a re-run of The Simple Life starring Paris herself. Unfortunately the only time you might catch me on TV would be a picture on the local access network. And even then, all I get for that is the satisfaction of seeing my own goofy face on the screen. You can also find pictures of her plastered in magazines, on the internet, and the video store. You can find my pictures plastered all over the walls at my grandparents’ house.

3. Friends. You all must know of Paris’s best buddy, Nichole Ritchie, daughter of Lionel Ritchie. Along with her airhead companion, Paris knocks elbows with hollywood’s young and elite. She is a socialite in every sense of the word. I’m lucky if I knock elbows with a senior on campus. Forget about having good connections, she is the connection everyone wants to have. I don’t have the money or the celebrity, but I also don’t have rich, snobby, narcissistic friends. My friends are witty, fun, and down to earth. I think I’d trade her Hollywood connections for my awesome friends any day.

4. Pets. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a picture or video clip of Paris without her spoiled Chihuahua, Tinkerbell dressed in designer dog clothes and diamond studded collars. Nichole Ritchie even has a matching pooch named Honey. Apparently one must own a well-dressed, diamond-studded taco bell dog to be an IT girl. Oh well, I have 3 crazy cats: Fidget, Boots, and Koko. No Gucci or Tiffany for my felines, but every once in a while I buy them catnip-filled sacks to play with. I would say they’re living it up. They’d probably scratch me to death if I tried to carry one of them under my arm with a kitty sweater on. Even if I did own a dog it would be big and naked. Guess I’ll never be an IT girl.
5. Relatives. Complete with crazy aunts and uncles, a hippy dad with no fashion sense, grand-parents that spoil me rotten, a hipper than hip mom and the typical annoying little brother, I’d say my relatives kick butt. I love spending time with my family! Of course, they don’t nearly have the resume that Paris’s family has. Her father, Rick Hilton is a Real Estate bigwig, her great uncle Nicholas once was wed to Elizabeth Taylor, and her sister Nicky is a socialite just like herself. But wait, I forgot the most important Hilton, Paris’s great-granddad and source of her inheritance, Hilton Hotel’s founder, Conrad Hilton. While you’ll never read about my dad’s machine shop in Fortune 500 magazine, he did buy me a car and is helping me make my way through college. That’s worth more than the whole Hilton Hotel chain.

6. Fashion Sense. I go for comfort and style. She goes for whatever will cause people to talk the most. Whether it’s the dresses that cost thousands, her straight from the runway outfits, or her accessories that cost more than her whole wardrobe combined, she splurges when it comes to style. I’m not sure that I could EVER be comfortable in a dress that costs more than my car. And I thought 30 bucks for a pair of jeans was bad! I think I’ll stick to my t-shirts and levis.

7. Diet. How do Burgers, fries, pizza, and cheesecake sound? Unless it’s from the dhall, sign me up! But in order to keep her gaunt figure Paris has to chomp on grass, fruit, cardboard, and tofu (maybe not cardboard, it might have too many carbs). Perhaps it’s to counteract all the cristal she’ll be drinking during her fabulous night life. Either way, I’ll take a few extra pounds in exchange for flavor.

8. Bling Bling. First of all, I’m completely repulsed by the terminology, but since I am talking about a superficial socialite, I figured it would be quite appropriate. She swims in diamonds: diamond studded belts, necklaces, earrings, and even collars for her dog. She is a walking advertisement for the diamond industry! The biggest stone I own is my pet rock. Well, to be honest, I own a couple of pieces containing my “oh so rare” birthstone, aquamarine. I’m pretty sure my pet rock is worth more. In my defense, I’m not the one inheriting a chain of top notch hotels.

So now I’ve given you 8 reasons why you’ll never confuse me with the spoiled rotten, social celebrity, Paris Hilton. Although there are many more I could name, the most important difference is that I’m here at Longwood working hard, making my own way in the world, while Paris sits on her butt and has everything handed to her. I’m in no way sorry that my last name, though it is the same, fails to link me to the hotel fortune.

2004-11-05T18:36:00.000-05:00

My love

On love

2004-11-05T17:10:00.000-05:00

So, I’ve been reading A History of the World in 10 ½ Chapters for my honors english class. In this book, Julian Barnes explores the subjectivity of history. I just finished reading Parenthesis, the “half” chapter that is Barnes’s interlude, in which he analyzes the theme of his book and love (especially love’s role in history). Reading it made my brain feel free. I know that sounds corny, but it’s the best way I can explain it. As Barnes was ‘saying’ things I was nodding my head, smiling, and highlighting the stuff I especially connected with. All this talk of love even made me evaluate my own life. I agree with Barnes that it isn’t necessary to love, but it is better to do so. If it isn’t so important to life, then why is everyone without it always searching for it? I’m not going to try to pretend that I know the first thing about love. Yes, I have a boyfriend, and yes, we are serious. We love each other. How do I know this? Honestly there isn’t one way to explain how love makes you feel. It’s just like when you go home after being away for awhile. It’s that comfortable, euphoric feeling that reminds you how much you enjoy life. Whenever I am feeling down, I always visit or call my boyfriend or family, someone who loves me. For some reason that ALWAYS helps bring things into perspective. It’s like, yeah I’m stressed and depressed, but these people love me. It’s empowering and yet comforting, too. Love is home. I’ve always been told that home isn’t just a house. I see now that home isn’t a house at all. It’s wherever or whatever makes you feel loved. I suppose no one really needs a home. A house should be sufficient, but then where do you go when things get you down, when you can’t face tomorrow? Maybe it’s not that love is necessary to live, but that it’s necessary to live happily. I know, I know, Barnes says that love doesn’t make us happy. He also says, though, that it does give us the capacity to be happy. It’s something we can run to when nothing else is satisfying us. From what I gather, wealth and success does not give that warm feeling that washes over your body, beginning first at the tip of the hairs on your head, the feeling you get when you know someone cares. Alright so I like what Barnes has to say, but I’m not quite ready to abandon my romantic ideas about life and love. I am a naïve and passionate college student, if you couldn’t tell. It’s better than being a cynical, passive old hag, I suppose. These are my thoughts on love! I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter. I will be sharing and quoting the following from it:

“Men will say ‘I love you’ to get women into bed with them; women will say ‘I love you’ to get men into marriage with them…” (p. 228) – I laugh, this is soooo true!

“ ‘We must love one another or die,’ wrote W.H. Auden, bringing from E.M. Forster the declaration: ‘Because he once wrote “We must love one another or die,” he can command me to follow him.’ Auden, however, was dissatisfied with this famous line from ‘September 1, 1939.’ ‘That’s a damned lie!’ he commented. ‘We must die anyway.’ So when reprinting the poem he altered the line to the more logical ‘We must love one another and die.’ Later he suppressed it altogether.”

“…we must love one another because if we don’t we are liable to end up killing one another.” “…we must love one another because if we don’t, if love doesn’t fuel our lives, then we might as well be dead.”

“Have you ever talked so well, needed less sleep, returned to sex so eagerly, as when you were first in love?” “Have you ever seen things so clearly as when you were first in love?” (p. 231-232) –Simple answer: Nope.

“Perhaps love is essential because it’s unnecessary.” (p.234)

“The heart isn’t heart-shaped, that’s one of our problems.” (p.234) –I thought about this one for a long time, and I love it! Love isn’t what it’s made out to be and that is why it fails us. I personally think it is greater than our comprehension; it’s beautiful, pure, but also exploited, used, and abused. No one knows what love is anymore because the feeling always contradicts the definition. It’s not bad; it’s just not what was expected. The word love and the feeling are no longer related.

The history of the world? Just voices echoing in the dark…;we call it history. (p.240) –Awesome!

“Even our democratic hero Kennedy serviced women like an assembly-line worker spraying car bodies.” (p. 241) –Just plain good humor! Unlike everyone else, I don’t idolize Kennedy. He was just another dickwad of a President. They’re all the same these days (*insert cynical laugh here).

The whole of page 244 I have highlighted. If I was a writer, I would want to write like this:

“And so it is with love. We must believe in it, or we’re lost. We may not obtain it, or we may obtain it and find it renders us unhappy; we must still believe in it. If we don’t, then we merely surrender to history of the world and to someone else’s truth.

It will go wrong, this love; it probably will. That contorted organ, like the lump of ox meat, is devious and enclosed. Our current model for the universe is entropy, which at the daily level translates as: things f**k up. But when love fails us, we must still go on believing in it. Is it encoded in every molecule that things f**k up, that love will fail? Perhaps it is. Still we must believe in love, just as we must believe in free will and objective truth. And when love fails, we should blame the history of the world. If only it had left us alone, we could have been happy. Our love has gone, and it is the fault of the history of the world.”

2004-11-04T15:07:00.000-05:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2004-11-04T10:07:00.000-05:00

ME!

I Caught Another Disease

2004-11-04T01:13:00.000-05:00

Along with my mother's ridiculous obsession with scrapbooking, I have somehow also contracted the blogging bug from her. I could only take so much. Reading post after post, knowing deep down inside I wanted to give in, to create my own space to rant and babble and share my outrageous ideas. I am now broken. Here I am. Blogging. At first I wrote this off as being another one of Mom's crazy internet phases. But, alas, I have been sucked in by the creative, yet nonfictional writing whirlpool. In my defense, I did get half of my genes from her. I mean, some of it can't be helped... right? I love you, Mom.

Ah, so yes, I have created my personal space! Anytime I get to design something that reflects my personality I get over-excited, like a house on the SIMS, or even a character in my brother's Tony Hawk video game (screw the skateboard, I'm designing his clothes!), I just can't resist designing, changing, arranging. In fact, just yesterday I rearranged my side of the room. Granted, I couldn't really move much. You're somewhat limited for space in a dorm room. Plus I had to think about the cable cord reaching my TV and more importantly, the network cable reaching my laptop when nestled neatly on my desk. So I suppose this is just another way for me to design something that reflects myself. Plus, this is like the only night I haven't had homework or studying to be doing at this point, so why not do something I want to do for a change? Most college students probably wouldn't be blogging if they were in my current situation. But hell, I'm not most college students. Don't think I have no life- on the contrary, my life is full of spice! From my wonderful boyfriend to my AWESOME 3rd floor ARC buddies, I have a great time here. But tonight is for me.

Just to clarify about the name of my blog, instead of being blunt like my older counterpart, I have chosen the 'collegiate' way to title my blog. In other words I've named it something no one else will understand and I will explain it like I'm analyzing literature. Hidden meaning=very scholarly. I did, however, notice recently that some of you are Lord of the Rings fans, so in that case you may not be so lost. If you've read (and enjoyed) the trilogy, surely you have hear of The Grey Havens. When the journey of the Ring comes to a close, the elves, Gandalf, and Bilbo sail away on a ship to the Grey Havens. Frodo joins them later. These Grey Havens seem to me to be a place of ultimate freedom. I would like to think that this is my little place of peace where I am free to speak my mind and write about my adventures (ala Bilbo Baggins).

Grey Haven

Seasons may change...

"don't it always seem to go...

By the beard of Zeus...

...And a life it is...

I need a life... that includes a new job

Ketchup

Here I Go Again...

Final what?

'Secrets don't make friends"... but some secrets don't need friends

"...just watchin the tide roll away..."

blahdy blah blah

Spring? Weekend

Gummi Bears and Metal

Summary

I'm bad at this...

The Great Airport Adventure

Is love real?

What if you were interviewed by your mom?

It's mid semester crunch time...

Snow day....

Sucked in by reality...

double *sigh*

Yawn, it's been a long day...

The Package from Home

River of vomit

Ready

Like mother, like daughter

Being a female 101

Hum drum

Thank you

Ice and football

Back to school

Home again, home again...

Freaking out is not all that its cracked up to be.

Crunch time.

Giving Thanks!

Is heaven hell?

Forces in the North are witholding 'tree of mass importance'

Tick, tick, tick

Going "home"

Hilton who?

On love

I Caught Another Disease

double sigh